





































My logical brother Alexei tried to reason with me, but I would have none of it: I was going to play KLAX even though I knew it would be a waste of time and a thoroughly dopey thing to do. See, I wasn't "giving it a fair chance" or anything, as I had complete faith in Alexei's reports of its through-and-through shittiness; but I play everything Turbo. Everything. And I can't receive word of a massive disaster without subsequently rushing out to witness the wreckage firsthand.
Well, I went and I saw. And now I'm here to tell you that even if you know full well that KLAX is an outright stinker heading in, there's an extremely good chance that it will still find a way to make you absolutely despise it. It's just that fucking bad, a disgustingly awful puzzler that, laughably enough, is considered a "classic" in some circles.





Aldynes kicks ass in so many ways. It taps into the mega power and virility of the SuperGrafx to achieve extraordinary visuals: its bosses are phenomenal giants and its backgrounds are incredible multi-layered scenes flush with detail and alive with all sorts of mechanized activity. Yet, it makes an even greater impression with its audio: While the Aldynes soundtrack doesn't do anything technically abnormal with HuCard instrumentation, it demonstrates perfectly how remarkable compositions can be performed effectively with vintage chip sound quality. Damn, does Stage 2's theme rock. And the gameplay follows the lead of the aesthetic elements, thriving on a unique options system that allows you to send your pods out to do their own thing, keep them in close to provide additional standard fire, or have them revolve around your vessel in a defensive posture. Careful, intelligent playing, along with a good bit of trial and error, is the way to survive Aldynes' no-nonsense challenges.
The game seems like a master of all trades, but... well, there are a few caveats that can be tacked on here. (Actually, the following items don't bother me, but I know there are folks out there who'll complain about them.) While the graphics are very detailed and simply amazing in a technical sense, they're also quite dark, with cold steel environs the norm. If you're looking for beautiful sunsets and merry blue skies, find your fun elsewhere. And while you can power up your guns to incredible degrees, they won't scare many enemies in their initial forms, which is very bad news if you take a hit late in the game and have to rough out a tough stage from a strength-slashing checkpoint. Nonetheless, even those who demand cheery colors and have no stomach for the game's late-stage perils will likely concede that this is a package awesome in enough areas to warrant a try, if not an immediate purchase.






This is one of those "special meaning" games for me, as it was the one I bought with my Turbo CD way back in the day. The motorcycle lights of the title screen coming on as "Sea of Love" kicked in was my introduction to CD-based gaming, and I was pretty blown away by it. Since that time, I've seen Desert get about as much love as its ill-fated FMV sibling, Sherlock Holmes--which is to say, not much. In fact, I think the only praise it's ever gotten has come from VG&CE and famous Turbo expert and Duomazov comrade, Keranu McKenna. Well... I agree with VG&CE and Keranu.