Gotzendiener

~ GOTZENDIENER ~

GAINAX / NEC Home Electronics

Super CD-ROM

1994

Coming in, I expected Gotzendiener to deliver an isometric blend of Brandish and Prince of Persia. That was probably unfair of me, considering that most players don't like the game very much. High expectations aside, Gotzendiener's gameplay is slow and horrible and gives the player hardly anything to do--hardly any fighting and hardly any puzzle solving. You simply stumble around ugly mazelike environments, and before you know it, the whole thing is over. The music and sound effects are horrendous, so the game falters even where many other mediocre Turbo CDs shine (though I will say that the few cinemas do look somewhat nice). Whether Gotzendiener was released unfinished or merely unpolished, it comes off as an incomplete effort, an empty, glitch-plagued husk of a puzzle-based adventure.

It starts off in a cool and unusual way. A good guy and a bad guy fight it out for a girl; the two idiots end up killing each other, leaving the princess to find her way on her own.

The game does have its moments of intrigue as well as a few areas that actually don't let us down graphically. Most of the decent material is presented early in the quest.

Later levels have you wander around dull, empty, ugly environments.

Half of the interesting objects you come across end up serving no purpose whatsoever. It makes you wonder if the designers intended to do more with these "red herrings" but weren't granted enough time to complete their project.

Combat unfolds as slowly and choppily as you might expect, but defeating the lumbering monsters isn't difficult at all.

Even your final foes fall easily and make little impact during their brief onscreen appearances. They're fitting representatives of the game on the whole.

Galaxy Fraulein Yuna 2

~ GALAXY FRAULEIN YUNA 2 ~

Red / Hudson Soft

Super CD-ROM

1995

Yuna 2 makes people think it's going to be better than its excellent predecessor by starting off with a lengthy and very well-done opening cinema. Actually, the game is pretty good graphically throughout; but in most ways, it tumbles after its fast start. The soundtrack fails to follow the lead of the quality artwork, as it counts but one nice tune amid many unmemorable jingles. More importantly, the story isn't nearly as entertaining as the first GFY's, and it gives you far fewer choices to make, so the experience seems very low on interactivity. Simply put, while it looks nice, Yuna 2 is a very boring game.

It's anything but boring initially, however. The opening presents an awesome space clash that makes Force of Arms seem like a pistol fight, and during the first few moments of actual play, Yuna is called out by the Clubber Lang of the idol world.

Then, Yuna stumbles upon a new best friend. The comic goes straight to hell from there...

...as it focuses on the two of them doing stupid things and occasionally playing awful mini-games.

Y2's fights are nowhere near as cool as the ones in the first game. The "pick a card" battle system is somewhat interesting but ultimately annoying, as combat often comes down to chance and can be very time consuming.

The story steps things up a bit towards the end and features a pretty cool giant mecha showdown, but the grand finale won't make anyone forget the long stretches of boredom endured prior to that point.

Had Red made the middle section of the adventure a little more exciting and the battles a little less time consuming, they might've had another excellent comic on their hands. It certainly is sad the way things turned out.

Galaxy Fraulein Yuna HuVideo

~ GALAXY FRAULEIN YUNA HUVIDEO ~

Red / Hudson Soft

Super CD-ROM

1995

Those looking to acquire Galaxy Fraulein Yuna (and that should be everyone who does not currently own it) have a choice to make. They can go for the nice, cheap, plain-Jane regular edition, or they can pick up the rerelease, which comes packaged with a HuVideo bonus disc. Those looking to find out what HuVideo actually is won't be given any technical explanations here, as I don't know anything about that stuff, but I'll try to spell things out in layman's terms: take your typical PCE CD cinema, make the animation incredibly smooth (far, far beyond what you've seen in any other release this side of 3x3 Eyes), make the video exceedingly grainy, and shove the result into a relatively small window. HuVideo!

This particular HuVideo episode is about sixty seconds long and details both an outer-space blade fight and an assault on a giant ship.

Yeah, you've pretty much got the gist of it right there. But remember, the "plot" isn't the point here; this is essentially a show-off disc, and you're supposed to sit there and be amazed at what the PCE is actually capable of. And really, as a means to that end, the little animated "film" gets the job done. Of course, you can also witness HuVideo during Gulliver Boy's intermissions (and Gulliver Boy is worth playing anyway).

But a minute of video isn't all that the Yuna bonus disc has to offer. It does present some extra artwork in the form of still sketches.

Considering that there aren't many other ways to catch a little HuVideo and that the rerelease costs only a few bucks more than the original nowadays, you might as well pick up this edition if you're going to purchase the game at all.

Galaxy Fraulein Yuna

~ GALAXY FRAULEIN YUNA ~

Red / Hudson Soft

Super CD-ROM

1992

Cobra II is my favorite PCE digital comic, but I'd long considered Ranma 1/2 2 the best, "objectively speaking." Then Galaxy Fraulein Yuna came storming along from out of nowhere and laid claim to that position. There's so much in it to rave about...

...and we must start with the cute and very likable heroine. Yuna's a goofball, for sure, but never let it be said that she lacks heart. She amuses with her antics and impresses with her fortitude.

The silly but lovable idol stars in an entertaining story that features lots of funny moments and moves along at a very fast pace. There's plenty of voice acting, but the characters keep their lines brief--no long, dull conversations here.

GFY's graphics are great, especially during the high-quality cinematic intermissions. The soundtrack, which features multiple vocal tracks along with work by T's Music, is also very good.

Anime combatants don their power armor and make use of laser swords, missiles, and the like during the game's turn-based battle scenes.

Yuna seems harmless, but she's quite capable of thrashing any fool who gets in her way.

The game is so good that a hero from another Turbo series decided to get in on the fun. I thought I was going nuts when I heard Bomberman music start playing; but then, lo and behold, a crew of little bombers came dashing out to judge a swimsuit competition.

GFY's a must if you're into digital comics, and it's cheap enough to take a chance on (not to mention easy enough to get through) if you have little or no experience with the genre.

Metal Stoker

~ METAL STOKER ~

Face

HuCard

1991

Metal Stoker often reminds people of Granada, a Genesis game that follows a neat little tank as it blasts its way across the African continent. A heck of a lot of creativity went into Granada's stage, boss, and weapon designs; fun-loving Face was a creative group in its own right but lacked the sorts of brilliant madmen who made up Wolf Team's ranks, so don't expect to find as many "cool ideas" on display in MS as you would in its prodigal counterpart. Thankfully, you also won't find MS's environments to be as ugly, its bosses to be as wimpy, or its action to be as tame as Granada's. Droves of fast enemies letting loose plenty of bullets make Stoker a difficult game to beat, though with an arsenal of five weapons (including lasers, mines, and energy bursts), your vehicle is certainly equipped for the task. And figuring out exactly when to utilize certain weapons is a significant part of the fun, though having to pause the action in order to make a change means most players will ride the multi-directional vulcan or the convenient homing missiles as long and as far as they can.

Unfortunately, the stop-and-start stuff is just the beginning of the problems that arise due to MS's awkward control scheme. Rather than allowing players to go the usual "hold a button to strafe" route, it instead demands a tap to lock your cannon in place--meaning two more taps are necessary if you're to switch to a new locked-line of fire. That's two taps too many with all the crap that's hurled at you in the later stages, and repositioning your tank-craft-thing to engage new threats is no picnic either (I don't know if you've ever piloted any tank-craft-things, but while they are indeed speedy little contraptions, they're not very agile at all). High-speed, projectile-heavy action sounds wonderful on paper, but cumbersome controls are always bad news, and when you're charged with overcoming the latter while dealing with the former, irritation inevitably sets in.

The stages are very large in addition to being tight and tough; there won't be many quick jaunts to safety here. Long levels simply means the odds are greater that you'll find yourself annoyed with the inadequate controls at some point or another. The board designs can be annoying as well, particularly the enormous-but-bland tile-warp labyrinths and a stretch of energy barriers that show themselves only when you're about to helplessly blunder into them (and force you to blunder about a great deal more just to figure out where there's a barrier-free trail to follow).

At least you're met by lots and lots of bosses as you do your blundering. Most of the early ones are lame circular things, but you'll eventually come across some very cool contraptions. Sadly, like the stages themselves, the boss fights are drawn-out affairs; count on instances where you're sitting there wondering just when the hell a battered bum is going to succumb to the beating you're giving him.

There are times in Metal Stoker when a tune reaches its catchy climax, or you figure out the perfect weapon to use during a particularly challenging stretch, or you solve a tough boss's attack pattern, and the whole experience feels pretty darn good. And then there are times when you're muddling along through a long, boring level, annoyed with the needs-another-button control setup and the grating sound effects, and the game just doesn't come off as a high-quality product. Really, it leans more towards the good side of things when all is said and done. But due to the adventure being so drawn out, replaying the damn thing is seldom a pleasant notion. Consider whether or not you want to spend your fifteen bucks on an up-and-down, one-and-done title.