GAME REVIEWS

Monday, December 6, 2010

SimEarth

~ SIMEARTH ~
Hudson Soft / Maxis / TTI
Super CD-ROM
1993

This snoozer has never appealed to me at all. Reading the hefty manual is like studying for a geology test, a task I'm glad I needn't undertake anymore. And this isn't a game that you can learn on the fly, as options are aplenty, and it plays out excruciatingly slowly. The basic theme of world construction isn't particularly alluring to me anyway, so I see little reason to acquaint myself with the ins and outs of the title. Bringing disaster to my planet in the form of a good meteor shower constituted the only "fun" I had during the few minutes I spent with the disc, so I take great comfort in the fact that it cost me but two dollars shipped. The poor sap who sold it to me paid more than that just to mail it and included the original $60 Toys "R" Us receipt as if to lay a guilt trip on me. It didn't work!


The opening sequence features this whiny globular guy who goes on about how unhappy he is and how the planet can't possibly flourish while he's unhappy.


This seems like a no-win situation for me at this point. The "game" has too many options and moves too slowly for me to bother learning it on the fly, and whenever I try to read through the manual, I end up dozing off.


Maybe someday I'll find the patience necessary to sit down and partake in a little world building. All I know for now is that I wasn't happy while I was playing SimEarth, and my planet couldn't possibly flourish while I was unhappy.


So I bombed the planet with meteors and then turned the game off.


Nice plague sound, though!

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