Impossamole

~ IMPOSSAMOLE ~

Gremlin Graphics / NEC

HuCard

1991

I wouldn't call it the "best" part, because best parts of video games should never leave you with a splitting headache, but the most interesting part of Impossamole is its "cinematic" opening. A succession of slides details the dilemma of Monty Mole, lazy lounger turned superhero.

The images are kind of amusing, I guess, but it's the tune that accompanies them that makes the sequence so memorable. Never before had I heard a HuCard number that is so incredibly long and so remarkably strange. You'll be shocked at the bizarre, eardrum-annihilating sounds your console is capable of cranking out. And as the seemingly never-ending racket proceeds, you'll hear brief stretches of rhythmic and melodic genius. It's an up-and-down epic of a track, an utter disaster that's utterly compelling until it finally grows old and sputters out as pure noise towards the end of the image run.

The in-game audio also has its fair share of weird bloops and bleeps, but none of the other tunes really make much of an impression. In fact, once you get past the opening festivities, Impossamole is a complete dud. It's nice that it gives you large levels to explore (as you attempt to hunt down stolen scrolls). What isn't nice is that its collision detection is horribly off, and with your main kick attack so limited in range, you're sure to take one cheap hit after another. Making the whole thing even more frustrating is the fact that you must proceed very slowly and carefully: crap constantly rains down upon you, so if you rush forward recklessly (or even just move along at a regular platforming pace), you'll have your head thumped repeatedly. While the gameplay is certainly horrible, the visuals don't help: You'd expect the graphics in a title of this sort to be bright and colorful, but instead, they're rather drab and austere--quite awful overall.

Appearance-wise, the stages offer a lot of variety as you advance from one to the next; but in truth, the enemies in the different worlds all basically act the same--you'll encounter old bums in new costumes over and over again. The only real "variety" on offer comes in the forms of occasional uninteresting swimming sequences...

...and end-of-world boss battles. Aside from the dragon guy, the bosses are a fairly lame lot; the last one is so laughably oversized and underequipped for battle that you can't help but pummel him before he does any significant damage to you.

If, for some reason, you wake up one day and decide you absolutely must have a cartoony TurboGrafx platformer with awful collision detection, go for Tiger Road, as that one somehow manages to overcome its flaws and end up enjoyable. Impossamole, on the other hand, is not at all fun to play and ranks with the likes of J.J. & Jeff, Bravoman, and Talespin as a despicable disgrace within the Turbo platformer subset.

Tengai Makyou: Ziria

RED/Hudson Soft - 1989/1992 - Japan
CD-ROM/Super CD-ROM

This game is old, old, old. That’ll probably be your first thought upon playing Ziria.

When I told my brother and RPG veteran IvaNEC that I was going to get into the Tengai Makyou series he recommended I start with Kabuki Den and work my way backwards through the episodes. Being the stubborn fool that I am, I ignored his recommendation and started off with Ziria, intending to play through the series in the “proper” order.

Despite its “slow” start, I managed to have fun with Ziria right from the beginning. It wasn’t until late in the journey that mixed feelings began to tread on my fun. First, though, the good stuff.

Battle backgrounds and cinematic “moments” are great hand-painted fare (ala Beyond Shadowgate). The manual for the game has a piece at the end (in Japanese) that shows the process the artists used to digitize these paintings, which I found really cool. It seems like a totally different team must have been responsible for enemy design and background art vs. the “overhead” graphics. Enemy design is also great, with all sorts of cool looking and detailed creatures to fend off during your quest. Music is pretty good too, excellent in some places. Also, during the first two thirds of the adventure your party is accompanied by a friendly frog who will randomly assist during battles. You’ll free all sorts of animal spirits that give you helpful items and spells as you venture towards your final goal.

Now for the not-so-good stuff.... Well, the overhead landscape visuals are awful. Poor color choices combined with grainy graphics makes for an extremely “blah” visual experience as you traverse the lands. What’s worse, however, is that the landscape doesn’t change at all from the beginning right through the end of the game save for a dungeon here and a pyramid there, which in truth are few and far between. The last town in the game looks exactly the same (size aside) as the first town in the game, and everything in between. More variety in this area would’ve gone a long way. The user interface is also extremely antiquated, however this didn’t bother me much. I’m pretty easy going when it comes to this sort of thing as long as the controls aren’t atrocious, and they aren’t.

By the time I reached the final quarter of the journey, my interest was waning. It got to a point during the final dungeon where I just wanted to get the whole thing over with so I could move on to something else. As it turns out, IvaNEC was right on in his recommendation I not make Ziria my introduction to the series. Ziria is a dated game that shows its age, despite some strengths. Its worth a look for the hardcore RPG crowd, but don’t make it your first Japanese RPG.

Valis Visual Collection

~ VALIS VISUAL COLLECTION ~

Laser Soft / Telenet

CD-ROM

1993

This is basically just a collection of cinemas from the second, third, and fourth PC Engine Valis episodes, but it makes for a pretty nice collectible, as it's fairly hard to find and it features a hot-looking Rena on its cover. People make a big stink about the absence of scenes from the PCE rendition of the first Valis, but at least we get "more" here than we do with the Cosmic Fantasy Visual Collection, which offers only the CF and CF2 cinematics.

The few who are thinking about bothering with this non-game are probably Valis fans who've already slashed their way through all four adventures, and those folks won't find much new material here. The most interesting part of "playing" it for those who have experienced only the English versions of II and III might be watching the cinemas from those chapters with Japanese voice work. It's nice to be able to view the interludes sans goofy English voices, but, ironically enough, the Japanese actors seem to have "underacted" a bit.

One neat thing about the collection is that it allows you a look at how PCE CD intermission artistry evolved (while sticking with a core group of characters throughout the string of images). Watch as the series progresses from blocky character portraits displayed in tiny windows to polished, full-screen glory.

This is a legitimately rare disc, but demand for it is very low; so once you do find it, you probably won't have to pay an outlandish price to acquire it. ($50-60 was once the going rate, but $30 seems a common enough asking price these days.) It really has no practical purpose, but Valis fans will reap enjoyment enough just from welcoming it into their collections.

Valis IV

~ VALIS IV ~

Laser Soft / Telenet

CD-ROM

1991

Valis IV is the final PC Engine episode in a series that prides itself on tough Castlevania-style action and cute-girl cinematics. It doesn't feature the same sort of ingenious level design that is on display in III's finest stages, nor does it star characters as cool as III's, and its music is disappointing. However, it definitely sports the greatest graphics of the PCE Valis bunch, and it's long and consistently challenging, whereas its brethren are either short and easy (the first and second episodes) or wildly erratic (III). It should be no surprise to Valis veterans that the controls aren't quite perfect, but with practice and careful observation, you can indeed devise plans to complete each stage in perfect fashion, making the whole experience very rewarding--if frustrating at times. It and its immediate predecessor are kind of like the action-platformer equivalents of R-Type in this respect.

The stages look good and feature cool, tough enemies; and, for the most part, they challenge you consistently rather than alternating between easy and incredibly difficult segments like III's do.

Some of IV's higher-level challenges, like the fourth-stage cathedral ascent, can be tedious and irritating, without feeling as rewarding or as cleverly constructed as III's most difficult board layouts. The level-draining fetuses towards the end make real nuisances of themselves.

Rough it all out and you'll be treated to lots of nice cinemas.

There are lots of bosses, too. These fights can be long and brutal. Prepare to deal with some unexpected opponents before all is said and done.

It's always sad to say farewell to a good series, but Valis goes out with its head held high.

Valis III

~ VALIS III ~

Laser Soft / Telenet / NEC

CD-ROM

1992

Valis III is a legitimately great action-platformer in the vein of 8-bit Castlevania. It features the best set of playable characters in the series, heroines superior to the stars of IV due to both their usefulness and their intangible "cool" factor. It also boasts great music; good graphics; controls that are a huge step up from II's and give the game a familiar old-school-Castlevania feel; and sophisticated, ingenious level design. While Valis II prides itself on its soundtrack and story and IV impresses players with its visuals and high level of challenge, III finds a way to succeed in just about every area, making it the strongest chapter in the series.

It's clear right from the get-go that this is a high-quality hack-and-slash title with appealing visuals.

Some of the later boards, especially the water stage (which requires that you freeze enemies and make difficult jumps in order to proceed) and the ice cavern (with its tricky platforming), are extremely challenging; you'll feel great when you finally beat them. They're tough-but-rewarding levels that you'll always remember.

Between those dreaded stretches are "breathers" in the forms of graveyard and wasteland jaunts. The desert-stage tune is very catchy and evokes fond memories of Valis II's legendary soundtrack.

Yep, the red book is good, and so are the cinemas. No more of that "tiny windows" bullshit here... at least, not much of it.

There are plenty of interesting boss battles though; you'll go from serpent slaying to bell battering.

Climb the final tower and take on the skilled combatant that awaits you...

...and then witness Yuko's heroic fate.

Mugen Senshi Valis

~ VALIS ~

RIOT / Telenet

Super CD-ROM

1992

A short and easy opening episode, Valis is basically just okay in every respect and is the most forgettable of the series's PCE entries. It is most comparable to Valis II in that it places much more emphasis on action than on platforming, and its level design isn't as advanced as III's or IV's. Its soundtrack doesn't even come close to II's, but its gameplay is a little more enjoyable because it isn't as sloppy. Yuko "runs" quite slowly, but this becomes less of a pain as you get used to it.

I dig the visual style in this game; everything seems kind of "small," but the animation is smooth, and the color choices, appealing.

I've seen people rip on the cinemas, but aside from the whole "small windows" issue and Yuko's face looking a little weird here and there, they're actually pretty nice and feature some fairly dramatic moments.

The boss designs are interesting, and while the beasts here generally aren't as large as the lumbering heavyweights in II, they're definitely better fighters.

In fact, the last guy can be a bit of a challenge at first and is certainly a hardier warrior than the chump at the end of II (thank goodness).