GAME REVIEWS

Sunday, May 29, 2011

The Local Girls of Hawaii

~ THE LOCAL GIRLS OF HAWAII ~
Excite Software
CD-ROM
1993

Chances are that if you're hunting for these Excite Software "girls on the beach" titles, your goal is either to add some not-easy-to-come-by trinkets to your collection or to acquire every "US release" that you can, and actual high-quality content isn't factoring into your objectives. Regardless of what your motivation is, the opportunity to leaf through photos of skin-baring sunbathers probably doesn't seem like it will be an unpleasant byproduct of your quest. But as if being a downright stupid slide show masquerading as a game weren't deplorable enough, Local Girls goes about its seemingly simple task in laughably inept fashion. After a bumbling lensman had produced off-center shots of seemingly random body parts, the "designers" apparently figured spatterings of color and blocky deformations were their best bets for salvaging the image wrecks they were left with (...or maybe they were just incompetent too).



Even when embellishment-free shots portraying a recognizable human are actually delivered, the human in question is often either caught in a terribly awkward position or assuming a ridiculously melodramatic "pose." The post-shoot additions of various creatures and stage pieces make the whole production come off as comical.


Block out all the misapplied adornments and focus solely on (what you can make out of) the females, and you'll likely conclude that the ladies here aren't exactly incredibly attractive eye-catchers anyway.


Filthy images shellacked with distortion and portraying randomly juxtaposed objects will provide little titillation for even the most crazed and desperate perv, who won't appreciate the black blotches that obscure all the "best parts" anyway.

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