GAME REVIEWS

Friday, October 28, 2011

Body Conquest II

~ BODY CONQUEST II ~
Games Express
HuCard
1993

What little effort Games Express was willing to devote to this project primarily went towards mimicking Dragon Quest. There's little visual evidence to suggest that Body Conquest II is actually a PC Engine game and not some shoddy Famicom release. So archaic are this RPG's field visuals that fellow PCE antiquities like La Valeur would take on the sheen of modern, glitzy Square productions if lined up in comparison.



Revolting primitivity pervades BC2's audio as well. GE delivered an overworld theme sure to drive adventurers batty as it calls to mind the rightly maligned Xevious soundtrack with its high-pitched instrumental antics. Similarly vexing are the VCS-caliber sound effects, many of which are simply unnecessary, including a horrid "thud" that accompanies every instance of inadvertent contact with stationary objects. Prepare to hear thud after abhorrible thud as you attempt to make heads or tails of the logic-defiant village constructions.



Don't expect the land's labyrinths to be easily navigable either. The difficulty you have making your way through these drably drawn dungeons will likely stem from GE's implementation of the old "limited visibility" trick. It's not like they bothered to provide any interesting puzzles for players to solve as reprieves from dull tunnel touring.

Of course, there will be plenty of battles for you to participate in as you poke around the abodes of your enemies. And of course, Games Express put together an all-girls lineup of adversaries for you to contend with. The strange-looking females don't stand much of a chance, as your valiant lady slayer is a quick study when it comes to learning techniques that bring most clashes to an abrupt conclusion when utilized.

The fact that your foes can be dealt with quickly and easily is a very good thing considering how slowly events unfold otherwise. Regardless of the hero's dilly-dallying nature and refusal to do anything but stroll leisurely about the countryside, there isn't enough of an adventure here to make for a lengthy experience. BC2 is a simple mimicker that counts on elements of smut to entertain nutcases who are intrigued by promises of pervertedness. If you are such a nutcase, though, know ahead of time that while the text (which is in Japanese) contains plenty of smut-speak, the only visual elements that will satisfy your hunger for naughty fare are the bare breasts and butts that a few of the combatants flaunt. There's also this, uh, "coming-of-age" scene:


Basically, RPG fans and oddball deviants alike will find little to appreciate here. There is a happy ending to cap the archaic mush, but you might as well take a gander at it now and dismiss the game from there in favor of the many superior HuCard RPGs that you can play instead.

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