The Manhole

~ THE MANHOLE ~

Cyan / Sunsoft / Sun Electronics / Activision

CD-ROM

1991

The Manhole packaging utilizes cover space to pledge that children will be entertained by what the game has to offer, a declaration that may as well be taken as notice to those of us beyond our prepubescent years that thrills are not in store here. Indeed, there's nothing thrilling about the title's point-and-click-and-watch play style (as there's never any risk of anything horrible happening) or its simplistic manner of presentation (as its "action" wasn't even deemed worthy of receiving full-screen treatment). It doesn't hide the fact that it takes its cue from famous works of children's literature (including Alice's Adventures in Wonderland and the Chronicles of Narnia) and perhaps takes its acts of homage too far, ending up a mere exhibition of mimicry in some places. At its best, it's an odd and intriguing one-strange-thing-after-another little adventure, delivering successions of wacky happenings like some sort of kindergartner-targeted Yellow Submarine.

Again, nothing that occurs is particularly exciting; this is a bizarre but utterly hazardless realm, and your hosts are peculiar but hospitable, even the grumpy, little-kid-averse walrus.

Still, after spending a few minutes coming to terms with Manhole's complete amiableness and toddler-level simplicity (traits that make it seem so out of place as a PC Engine release), I found myself compulsively clicking on anything and everything that came into view, suddenly determined to find every brief animated sequence, odd sound effect, and weird trinket to play with that the silly game contains.

Unfortunately, while it initially seems like you have many options as far as where you can go and what you can do (climb a beanstalk, take a boat ride, warp via an apparently magical fire hydrant, etc.), you'll discover in short order that all paths ultimately converge, abruptly leaving you with nothing more to see or do. In the end, it's the brevity with which The Manhole plays out, not its style or simplicity, that really leaves it devoid of value.

Of course, the ubiquitous caveat regarding the game is that it's meant for kids, not for an over-the-hill, mean-spirited bum like me. You know, I really wonder what the hell kind of kid people believe Manhole can be some sort of great success with. Children generally can't sit still through the sort of slow-paced, pointless nonsense that this title delivers; they tend to prefer fast-paced, pointless nonsense. When I was little and in need of a new LCD handheld or 2600 game to conquer, the element I considered a requisite above all others was action--so did my buds when they were hunting for a new game, and so do most other kids. The Manhole actually seems more suitable for an easily amused old fellow with a bit of leisure time to burn than it does for a restless little runt.

The Manhole

The Manhole
Sunsoft
CD- 3/22/91

As a long time yaoi fan, I was excited to stumble across this rare gem in the Turbo CD library. Most people think that the Saturn was the first system to feature a yaoi based dating sim, but that's only because Manhole is so amazingly hard to find that most import gamers have never even heard of it. While compared to the dating-sim offerings on the Sega Saturn this game is fairly primitive, I believe it stands the test of time in much the same way that the original Super Mario Bros does when compared to the technically superior later sequels.

Manhole starts out fairly typically for the genre; you're a first year Japanese high school student who is just blossoming into manhood. Your character has the usual big eyes and anime style of hair along with what appears to be a cucumber down the front of the pants. Seriously, everyone in this game wears way-tight pants like the kind Peggy Bundy wore. What's weird though is that they all wear baggy shirts opened down to the navel so they all look like ballet dancing hipsters. That's fine and all, but I prefer the Cho Aniki style of hulking brutes whose veins even have muscles.

The core gameplay is the same as every other dating sim you've ever played. Click an option, watch the dialogue play out on screen, click another choice, etc until you get one of the endings. What makes Manhole so addicting though is that every so often the story breaks into some bizarre Japanese gameshow type thing where all the available men are on a stage and it's up to you to guess what item they have shoved in the front of their pants. Most choices are of the sock, cucumber (like the main character), plums, or wad of play-doh variety, but there are some truly hilarious choices like bowling pin, small animal, your hand, and even a hamhock.

The dialogue is especially engaging for those who know a little Japanese. It's fairly easy to follow and features tons of slapstick comedy, the cornerstones of any truly memorable romp. For example the main character is always getting felt up by fellow classmate Yoshitake Yomano (a hilariously short and buff tennis player) under ludicrous circumstances such as they are both taking a test and Yomano just happens to drop his eraser 5 desks over onto your crotch. Hilarity ensues when he tries to retrieve it! Little things like this go a long way toward making you care for each character, and it definitely makes the decision extra hard and veiny when you have to choose a mate.

If you're an importer who wants a good dating sim but can't stand the usual guy-girl fare, then Manhole is perfect for you. Unlike other promising titles such as Wild Woody (Sega CD), Mr Nutz (SNES), Slam City (Genesis), S.C.A.T. (NES), Hard Blow (SFAM), and Dynamite Headdy (Genesis) that all failed to live up to their names, Manhole delivers in every possible way.