Batman

~ BATMAN ~

Sunsoft

HuCard

1990

PCE Batman is ridiculed quite often these days. People mock its overhead-view "rat in a maze" gameplay and bemoan the fact that it isn't a sidescroller. But back in the day, Electronic Gaming Monthly actually lauded the effort, making it one of the PC Engine titles I most wanted to play at the time. More-recent reports tempered my enthusiasm, as it seemed like the only good things about the game were its music and cinemas (and I can now say that it does indeed excel in those regards). But I'd always been curious about it, and I'd always believed that I would dig it.

The chip did not let me down. Sure, the scavenger-hunt-like action is repetitive (each and every board but the last has you do strange chores while dashing about a mini-maze), but I find it hard to stop playing once I get going. It's fun to scour the labyrinthine fields and slaughter or evade the villains. I get a kick out of the odd tasks that must be performed, like polishing paintings that look like a baby spat up on them. And I don't know why people make this out to be an overlong epic, as it's definitely conquerable in one sitting. There are forty-eight stages to play through, but they can all be beaten in short order. There's also a cool three-boss gauntlet at the very end.

I think the key to having fun with this game and avoiding the feeling that your mission is taking forever is, well, not to die very often. I probably sound daft with that remark, but when you use a continue, you lose the abilities you gained through powering up, which means Batman will revert back to his initial state as a vulnerable plodder who can toss only one slow, short-range batarang at a time. But you'll be deprived of the powers you've acquired only if you have to continue, not each time you lose a life. And if you can keep your bolstered speed and effective long-range weaponry, you'll get into a groove and probably find it hard to walk away from the game.

Yep, the cinemas are fantastic...

...but the gameplay itself is not to be slighted.

You'll have to complete a variety of strange tasks...

...but you won't get to operate any sleek bat-vehicles (contrary to what the cinemas might lead you to believe).

You will get to thump a few bosses, however.

Blazing Lazers

~ BLAZING LAZERS ~

Compile / Hudson Soft / NEC

HuCard

1989

The advent of 16-bit game consoles was marked by the lauding of impressive graphical work, but Blazing Lazers had no need to flaunt mind-blowing visuals, as it managed to make a name for itself with its then-unmatched speed and intensity. Indeed, shooters I'd played that hailed from arcades and the NES library did little to prepare me for what Compile's incredible vert had to offer. BL's pace was frantic; its enemy onslaught, relentless. Unequipped to deal with such high-level action, I at times found there to be so much transpiring onscreen that avoiding destruction seemed an impossibility. The demolishment of my ship stock played out in such exciting fashion that the wreckage-laden experience ended up being an utterly joyful one. There were many other players who came to know that same sense of joy, and BL was ultimately anointed a Turbo classic.

Of course, it's no secret at this point that the game has flaws. Its levels are too long, and it has players drift along through patches of dead space far too often. But I will say this: during its most dangerous stretches (the most harrowing of which are to be experienced in stages 7, 8, and 9), BL is more intense and thrilling than any other old-school vertical I've ever played. Yes, this is a seminal, dawn-of-16-bit blaster that's more exciting than the down-the-road likes of Sapphire, Spriggan, Sylphia, Nexzr, and Soldier Blade. It crushes all of them.

And it gets a bum rap as being an "easy" shooter, as its last few levels are genuinely tough. Area 7 is wild with its projectile counts, Area 8 fills the screen with its bubbles-and-beasts assault, and Area 9 sends enemies at you from every which way before presenting you with a string of large, vicious adversaries.

While it does take some time for BL's difficulty to ramp up significantly, don't for a minute believe that the early levels are utter throwaways. Area 3, with its bullet-spewing, pod-topped towers; Area 4, with its oddly allied brain beasts and eyeball creatures; and Area 5, with its pyramid-peak turrets and star-shot-blasting moai heads, all have more than enough action to keep most players constantly entertained. Only Area 6, with its dancing small-fry, seems like something of a waste, but good playing and smart icon snatching during that strip can set you up for success in the tougher stretches yet to come. The first two levels are space-outpost fare that, while having you deal with a fair share of adversarial activity, can drag on a bit, but the music is so amazing in both areas that I love playing through them anyway.

Actually, the game features awesome tunes from beginning to end, with intense rock numbers in stages 1, 4, 7, and 9; a beautiful flute-produced Area 2 melody; and cool abstract material such as the bubble level's dirge. And few other tunes get me quite as pumped up as BL's title-screen theme does.

As far as I'm concerned, Blazing Lazers still has that magic (not to mention the coolest shoot-'em-up weapon ever in Field Thunder), and after all these years, it still stands as my favorite vertical shooter for the TG-16.

Wreck steel contraptions and biobeasts alike.

Early bosses and midbosses fall rather easily...

...but the enemy really starts to mean business later on.

The pace picks up significantly once you reach Area 3.

Take on moai heads and a two-headed rock-dragon during the desert stage.

Field Thunder works well for annihilating the surprisingly robust bubbles. Actually, I stick with FT for most areas because it's powerful and it looks cool (which, of course, is extremely important)...

...but the other guns come in handy in certain situations. Wave-beam fire is faster and contains fewer gaps than slow-wending Thunderbolts, making it useful for disposing of Area 6's small, quick enemies, while Ring Blaster is invaluable in Area 9, where sneaky adversaries attack your flanks.

Witness the bizarre progression of the final battle.

Andre Panza Kick Boxing

~ ANDRE PANZA KICK BOXING ~

Loriciel / NEC

HuCard

1991

This disaster accounted for one of my most bitter childhood Turbo experiences. I was psyched for APKB because I thought a kick boxing game would be extremely cool, and my anticipation intensified when VideoGames & Computer Entertainment magazine gave it a positive review. I ended up terribly disappointed with it.

One-player mode doesn't call for any skill at all. I simply use two moves I like (one an in-close shot and the other a stay-away attack) over and over again and either whittle my opponent's health down to nothing or land a random "killer blow" at some point. During my very first trip through the game, I spent so little time in the training mode (which features timing and button pounding exercises for raising attributes) that when I initially reached Panza, I wasn't allowed to fight him, as my stats, according to the game's figuring, were insufficient. So I had to waste time mashing buttons in training mode before I could beat the living daylights out of the champ.

Funnily enough, over the years I've come to accept Panza for what it is, and I don't mind it so much now. Landing a knock-out blow is good for a bit of a rush, and there are worse ways to bide time than by handing out some beatdowns (though having to train is still annoying). Some elements have actually always been appealing: the combatants are animated pretty well, and you get to transition from empty arenas to packed ones once you prove yourself worthy of facing the top-tier fighters. And I suppose it's kind of amusing (in a sad, sad way) that the end credits consist of a single screen, a good chunk of which is occupied by a "Special Thanks" list. (The PCE CD version's ending sequence does include a credit roll.)

Build up your stats in the lame training mode to earn the right to compete against the "tougher" fighters.

Crush a few ham-and-eggers and you'll make it to the big time.

Bullman stood no chance.

This match with Panza was tight and looked like it would go the distance...

...but in the end, even the champ couldn't stand up to me.

I'd rather not.

Atomic Robo-Kid Special

~ ATOMIC ROBO-KID SPECIAL ~

UPL

HuCard

1990

Atomic Robo-Kid Special, a blast 'em up that has never been the recipient of many accolades and that I was never in any great hurry to play, turned out to be more engaging and enjoyable than I'd expected. That's not to say that it's fantastic, and some people might find that its flaws damage it beyond redemption.

But even the players who'll ultimately hate it will probably find ARKS likable in many ways initially. It's a pleasant (if not technically impressive) game aesthetically. The music is cutesy but has an edge to it to ensure that it remains appropriate for the soar-and-blast action. Appealing color choices; bits of simplistic-but-nice-looking parallax; and large, chunky sprites make the visuals more than just acceptable. The bosses, whom you wage war against in exciting walled-off showdowns, are absolutely enormous, and while the first two are pushovers and the third has but one little trick up his sleeve, the last two can really wreak some havoc. You also duel with other robo kids in entertaining confrontations that I find strangely reminiscent of the He-Man vs. Skeletor face-offs that take place in the Atari 2600 Masters of the Universe game. Your own flying trash can is an endearing little bot, and he gets to explore both straightforward strips and intricate labyrinths.

That's all nice. What isn't nice is the control scheme, which practically cries out for an additional button (the same trigger is used for both strafing and switching weapons). Also, the old combination of gigantic hitbox and large projectiles never makes for smooth gameplay, and the fact that you'll often find yourself in very tight corridors doesn't help matters. Some of the mazelike areas can be a bit boring, especially when they force you to undertake the laborious task of tunneling through walls. And while the variety in level design helps keep things fresh, twenty-five boards is just too many. It's not that the levels require much time--many can be completed quite quickly, in fact--but that it can be annoying to reach the Big Arm Boss in Area 25, lose, and then have to fight through the twenty-four previous stages again in order to get another crack at him.

I didn't mind replaying those stages a few times (at least not all that much), and beating the game felt quite good despite the crummy ending. Whether or not you'll agree with me that ARKS is worth buying will likely depend on how willing you'll be to replay the early boards in order to get good enough to beat the last few and how forgiving you'll be of the lousy control setup.

Some of your foes emerge from the floors or ceilings in efforts to surprise you.


The visuals impress at times with large enemies and appealing backdrops.


You probably don't want the bosses to get this close to you (unless you're trying to nab a good screenshot, of course).


You'll encounter some interesting folks in the maze areas.


The last two bosses are pretty tough.

Ballistix

~ BALLISTIX ~

NEC / Psygnosis

HuCard

1991

Upon acquiring Ballistix, I immediately challenged my then-girlfriend to a series of matches. She defeated me handily--an unexpected and unacceptable result. I tossed the chip aside, feeling that it had proven itself to be junk.

Still, when I'm not actually playing the game, its underlying concept seems kinda neat. Participants in the proceedings zip about the playfield while blasting a "puck" towards their adversary's goal with cannon shots. It's essentially a crazy, chaotic, futuristic take on air hockey--and air hockey rules.

So I occasionally give the chip a chance to prove my initial impressions wrong. While the action can be somewhat enjoyable for a minute or two, the novelty wears off quickly, as the silliness of the whole affair becomes apparent. The game is just too random and wild to provide a worthwhile experience, as a typical round consists of both parties flooding the playfield with marble-shots until the puck just happens to get batted into one goal or the other.

If Ballistix were a mini-game on a chip featuring a number of similar simplistic, futuristic events, I'd probably be more tolerant of it; but it really isn't of much value on its own.

Very few aspects of this "sport" are commendable, but the "ref" is pretty cool.

Someone explain to me the relevance of the art on the left to the game on the right.

One setup seems much more complex and cluttered than the other, but the game plays like a wild mess either way.

What a dumb-looking playfield.