Gradius II

~ GRADIUS II ~

Konami

Super CD-ROM

1992

I'd heard lots of great things about Gradius II before I purchased it. Back then, it was relatively expensive and hard to come by, so I had to wait a while to nab my own copy, and I grew more and more eager to play it as time went by. Right before I finally got it, I'd beaten and loved Parodius, so at that point in time I was totally psyched for more Gradius-style action.

I ended up disappointed. There are lots of 16-bit sidescrolling shooters that are more intense and have better visuals, and very little of this fairly antiquated game seemed fresh to me. Cartoony Parodius boasts not only more personality than G2 but also more action. But at least the CD renditions of familiar Gradius tunes are absolutely wonderful (fans of the series will adore them), and while the bitter taste from that initial experience still lingers, every time I replay the game I like it more than I expect to, as it really isn't terrible.

I could gripe about the lousy checkpoints, the options thieves (who sometimes appear during boss fights--argh!), the unimpressive weaponry, the horrible slowdown, the poor collision detection, and the absurdly redundant "shoot the core" bosses, but Gradius fans already know about all of that stuff and are accepting of it. What bugged me the most was the lack of freshness, which might just be what'll make G2 paradise for the aforementioned fans. In any event, let's take a look at each stage in turn:

Stage 1 - The money level--the one everyone knows about thanks to its huge "fire planets" and flame serpents. It scores points for cool looks and cool concepts, but there's pretty much nothing going on action-wise. That's fine for a first stage but not so much for a money level.

Stage 2 - You get web-like crap to shoot through and hopping spider-like things to kill as you make your way through a drab gray level. This stage has one of the few tunes that I dislike in the game.

Stage 3 - How many shooters have you seen by now with a level where you have to break apart chunks of rock/ice/crystal?

Stage 4 - The usual Gradius forestial "bytopia" with the usual cannons, little guys, and volcanic debris to deal with.

Stage 5 - Moai head time. Seen these guys before? It's still pretty intense stuff, and the Moai music sounds GREAT here, very chilling.

Stage 6 - Ruins with pillars that break from their foundations and shoot vertically across the screen. This stage wasn't in the arcade game. It's pretty lackluster, but the statue-like things that hop towards you are quite cool.

Stage 7 - Maze level. I much prefer high-speed reflex-based scenes like the Aero Blasters speed tunnels to crap like this that basically has you crash, learn, and proceed.

Stage 8 - Boss gauntlet. Great rendition of a familiar tune. You've seen most if not all of these bosses elsewhere by now.

Stage 9 - Lots of small-fry to contend with, and then pieces of the floor and ceiling break off and fly towards you. This is pretty tough to get through if you die and lose your power. A typical "wall" boss, then the indestructible spider thing (which seemed really unimpressive after the Parodius showgirl), and finally, the requisite joke of a final boss. Poor ending, and that's all folks... unless you keep going and play the more-difficult loop. I did not.

Cotton

~ COTTON ~

Success / Hudson Soft

Super CD-ROM

1993

A number of years had passed since I'd last played through Cotton when I decided to revisit it for this review, and I was able to recall pretty much nothing about it. That wasn't a particularly positive sign, but at least everything seemed fresh as I made my way through it once again.

Cotton is a sidescrolling shooter that features neither the fast feel of a Thunder Force nor the memorization requirements of an R-Type. I suppose it's comparable to Air Zonk, as it employs "chunky" sprites and leans towards the cartoony side of things. There's nothing challenging about it aside from initial encounters with a couple of bosses, but there's plenty to shoot at.

The music is very catchy (particularly Stage 2's theme), and Success did some cool things with the visuals: observe the shaking terrain at the end of Stage 1 and the wavy background during the graveyard boss fight.

They also produced some amusing cinematic sequences. The protagonist shows herself to be a real nut, running rampant one minute and apologizing to a defeated dragon boss the next. Incidentally, in the Japanese version, you can indeed view the text that accompanies these wacky interludes in English.

Well, I probably won't remember anything about the game in two weeks' time, but it was fun while it lasted; and I think it'll still be enjoyable when I revisit it again a few years from now. Don't expect good value per your buck if you spend a lot of cash on the US rendition, but if you're thinking about buying the affordable JPN version, then I say go for it.

Toy Shop Boys

~ TOY SHOP BOYS ~

Victor Musical Industries

HuCard

1990

The draw in this vert is that players "get to" control a party of three flying guys. Each dope wields unique weaponry (normal bullets, homing boomerangs, or a spinning laser blade good for swatting away projectiles). You change the "leader" of the group to switch weapons; the other two clowns just flank the shooter and essentially act as defense-only options. For all that, TSB basically plays like any other shooter that lets you change weapons with the push of a button. It counts on its multi-goof system to be its hook, but there really isn't that much strategy involved or many on-the-fly changes to be made.

And for a game with such a lighthearted theme, the visuals are inappropriately drab. The designers incorporated the "toy" concept into one background by randomly placing lego blocks amid boring browns, greens, and grays.

The fourth-stage desert is the one nice-looking area: the amount of detail put into the texture of the bright sands is surprising considering the simplicity that plagues most of the environments, and there are myriad dead things scattered about the attractive canvas.

The music is acceptable--somewhat jolly if pretty plain.

You'll have to deal with a decent number of small toy-themed enemies, but the action never really becomes intense. Although the weapons you're granted are underwhelming, you'll probably cruise right through the levels. The boss battles, on the other hand, may require some practice, which is good...

...but the checkpoints can be downright stupid. Die and you'll be back to square one with your weaponry and dropped down to slow-as-shit speed, and since your adversaries usually won't accommodate you with a sufficient supply of power-ups right away, making progress following but a single setback can be an unduly frustrating process.

It's hard to recommend Toy Shop Boys when the system has so many better verts, even if we count only the HuCard-based options. While there's nothing terribly wrong with its fundamental gameplay, the chip comes off as a weak product overall with drab graphics, annoying checkpoints, and a calling card that wasn't built on adequately. And those three kids look really dumb as they're flying around.

S.C.I.

~ S.C.I. ~

Taito

HuCard

1991

After Chase H.Q. had become an unlikely favorite of mine, I wasn't expecting much in the way of surprises from its successor. I figured S.C.I. was pretty much a sure thing, a followup that would give me more of the same chasing-down-the-scoundrels fun I'd gotten out of H.Q., but with a gun thrown in for good measure.

However, the addition of ammunition necessitated a reconfiguration of the controls, resulting in a scheme I've never been able to get completely comfortable with. This already-grim situation is in no way improved by the importance placed on precision driving, as deviating from the course even momentarily often has consequences graver than the traditional crash-and-recover driving game waiting sequence. You may end up falling from a cliffside route or plummeting into the sea or a sub-highway abyss. Even if you can cope with the new control arrangement and stay true to the trail, you'll have to worry about the belligerent drivers who share the road with you, as they have a nasty knack for sending your apparently light-as-a-feather machine flying with the slightest nudge. And if they aren't irritating you through aggression, they'll strike via passivity, as they sometimes set themselves up as roadblocks.

What the gun element does (to the delight of those who struggle with Chase H.Q., I imagine) is make it quite easy to obliterate the crooks' cars--that is, of course, if you can avoid taking a fall and remain on their tails. H.Q.'s pursue-and-pound system is simple and exciting; S.C.I.'s chase-and-shoot action typically feels either too easy (while you're carelessly blasting away and watching the bad guys' damage meter fill rapidly) or too frustrating (when the bums get away after you've been knocked off the road, leaving you to play catchup).

S.C.I. isn't a bad game, but it isn't always an enjoyable one either. Frankly, even though S.C.I. has better graphics, I prefer Pack-in Video's similar Knight Rider Special.

I'm not the biggest fan of these types of control setups.

Pre-stage screens provide information on what's to come. "HILL" must be the secret codeword for "bus."

Busting up the enemies isn't such an arduous task if you remain on course.

In some spots, a helicopter will drop off the limited-use rocket launcher, which allows you to deal even greater damage to your foes.

This particular helicopter would rather destroy you than lend a helping hand.

Drive carefully (and evade crash-happy assholes), or you'll end up off the edge or in the drink.

The last level is dumb: a quick drive through the desert concludes with a stop at the enemy base to plant explosives. There's no opposition to contend with (save for the time limit).

Takin' it to the Hoop

~ TAKIN' IT TO THE HOOP ~

AiCOM / NEC

HuCard

1989

I put off purchasing this game for many years, as I was in no rush to pick up something that, according to numerous reports, is inferior to wrinkled old Double Dribble. Actually, Takin' is essentially a cartoony rendition of DD. As such, it bears little resemblance to real basketball and looks goofy as hell... but really, who cares? It wasn't intended to be a serious basketball sim (you'd be better off with TV Sports Basketball if that's what you're looking for). It's just a fast-paced, carefree game of hoops that plays reasonably well and has amusing character "portraits"; and it demands little in the way of strategy aside from the occasional substitution of players. Taking it for what it is, I had fun with it... for a few minutes.

Then I got annoyed with it. The games run way too long, with no apparent means of shortening them available. The screeching music drives me crazy, even after I set the volume incredibly low. And the worst part of all is the "difficulty curve." Exhibition and early Tournament matches present practically no challenge: you'll be ahead by an insurmountable margin at the end of the first quarter and have to endure three more long periods before finishing up or advancing. But later in the tourney you'll encounter steal-happy opponents who need do little more than graze your players in order to capture the ball. Of course, despite their defensive "skills," the computer-controlled ball handlers still perform foolishly, making it easy to regain possession and transforming the game into a turnover fest. And when your dopey foes finally start to wear down, you'll have no trouble nailing boatloads of successive baskets and taking control of the contest completely. I certainly don't expect realism from the Takin' experience, but these sorts of matches are just plain stupid.

Choose a city to play for and meet the misfits on your club.

Play along and pretend there's some sort of strategy involved in the gameplay.

Dunks and free throws receive the fancy (read: usual) close-up treatment.

You'll be burying the computer and realize an eternity still remains before the final seconds will tick off the clock. Fun.

Halftime "entertainment."

Think the computer needs to make better use of its bench players?

If you're willing to sleepwalk through early-round blowouts and trade innumerable turnovers in the farces that are the later matches, you too can survive the daunting Takin' tournament bracket.

Genji Tsushin Agedama

~ GENJI TSUSHIN AGEDAMA ~

NEC

HuCard

1991

Genji is an interesting, enjoyable forced-scrolling platform game. The weaponry at the hero's disposal constitutes the highlight of the affair: Agedama can attack his adversaries with fireballs; tornadoes; wave beams; musclebound genies; lightning bolts; and the SUPER SKULL OF DEATH, which causes the action to stop as the play area quakes and flashes (perhaps reminding one of the full-power-blow effects in The Legendary Axe).

Our multi-skilled protagonist can also perform a quick little somersault, which has the dual advantage of hurting his enemies while rendering him momentarily invincible (like how "slides" work in quite a few other action games). Boss fights are fun, although I eventually figured out how to use the somersault to cheese my way through most of them.

The soundtrack, which was produced by T's Music, seemed a bit primitive at first, but the melodies grew on me before long. The graphics are bright and colorful, with pretty skies, seas, and waterfalls enhancing the usual "grassy" levels, and even the deserts and caves are anything but bland.

The game isn't as fast paced as New Adventure Island, and its stages aren't as cleverly designed as NAI's. It's painfully short, clocking in at a mere six levels while similar games like NAI, J.J. & Jeff, and Monster Lair offer lots more. And the forced scrolling is dropped midway through the fifth strip, making later-stage play feel rather methodical until one reaches a sweet boss gauntlet (which features a warship, the previous bosses, a wizard guy, a bunch of cannons, and a two-form final foe).

For some reason, Genji always seems to be priced at either a reasonable ten bucks or a bloated thirty-plus. If you spot an inexpensive copy, I recommend buying it, as the adventure is fun (if fleeting) stuff.