Madou Monogatari

~ MADOU MONOGATARI ~

Compile / NEC Avenue

Arcade CD-ROM

1996

I am writing this with a clear conscience. You see, somewhere, there was a little girl alone in the dark, crying her eyes out.

And I am the one who saved her.

You will hear more self-congratulatory remarks from me; but for now, I only ask that you reach into your past and travel back with me to a time of gloom and misery for the gaming community at large, an epoch during which the PS2 and XBox were merely trying to get their acts together and the pitiful GameCube was entering its initial stages of futility. The sole sliver of light that penetrated the looming dark cloud of mediocrity materialized in the form of the Wolfgames guy's PC Engine listings, which seemed to harbor a limitless supply of trinkets and oddities that I felt compelled to buy. My insatiable hunger for bizarre, expensive rarities ultimately led me to Madou Monogatari, Compile's dungeon-crawler counterpart to their irresistible line of Tetris-like Puyo Puyo games.

Understand that I had absolutely no intention of actually playing this game, as at the time, my extremely limited knowledge of the Japanese language seemed to negate the possibility of making headway in an import RPG. I figured that if the opening cinemas ran their course without a hitch, the game's functionality would be verified, and I could leave it to sit comfortably among my other essentially useless collectibles. But then I ran into Arle.

Arle, the cute little kindergartner who stood in front of an impossibly tall tower and looked up at me with sad, almond-colored eyes.

"I have to go inside, without my sensei... and I'm really scared..."

Good grief. Tell me, reader, what was I to do at this point? A noble warrior such as I, a warrior who had aided the legendary Gogan in CRUSHING the Jagu Empire, a warrior who had accompanied beautiful Babbette on her quest to slay sinister Galam, a warrior who had braved the horrors of Last Armageddon and lived to tell the tale... was this warrior to leave a young girl all alone as she undertook such a perilous mission?

"Damn it," I said aloud. "Let's go."

And off we went on a journey that shattered the foundation of everything this grizzled warrior had come to expect from a video game.

Imagine my shock when discovering that hit points, experience points, and all other RPG conventionalities had been jettisoned in favor of simpler but so much more adorable means of monitoring Arle's status. I needed only to look at my little friend's face to assess her constitution: a wide-mouthed smile meant all was okay, while a whimper equated a plea for health restorers.

I realized XP counters were but an obsolete superfluity when resourceful Arle broke out a tiny ribbon that slowly changed hue from white to deep purple as the heroine herself grew in strength. I grinned despite myself at these revelations and looked forward to a quest I knew would be full of surprises.

And no aspect of this amazingly beautiful adventure disappointed me. Heartbreakingly sweet melodies established an atmosphere of euphoria and wonderment as Arle and I encountered lots of wacky, lovable characters, including a drum-playing, glasses-wearing eggplant man and a devious demon-horned, lion-tailed cheerleader.

Certainly, not all of the denizens of this mysterious tower were overjoyed to make our acquaintance; but when push came to shove, "innocent" Arle would always tell me to stand back as she chanted bizarre incantations and took care of the nuisances with relentless ice storms and raging infernos.

And none of this went down as you'd probably expect. Madou Monogatari takes traditional role-playing elements and adorns them with new garb to make the experience as exciting and adorable as possible. Sleep spells, for instance, are hardly new to the genre; but while they are typically useless add-ons to lengthy magic menus in other games, Madou makes them AN EVENT TO BEHOLD! Young Arle actually dresses up as a sheep and blows on a horn, which itself releases mini-sheep that the enemy counts until he falls asleep!

Now how cute is that?

Well, perhaps not as cute as the courageous one-inch-tall elephant that frequently came romping along to aid us during particularly brutal showdowns.

Certainly not nearly as cute as Arle's gleeful "LEVEL UP!" yell, emitted when her little ribbon reached the desired shade of purple.

But don't get me wrong, reader. This adventure wasn't all laughter and giggles, I assure you. Arle and I had our share of spats along the way.

Like the time I used a warp spell to "cheat" and ascend to a higher level of the tower. Much to my surprise, the tactic worked, so as any shrewd strategist would do, I attempted to utilize it once more. Arle rose up... and banged her tiny cranium on the ceiling with a horrifying THUD before plummeting back down to the ground. There I was, sitting with a baffled look on my face as a little video-game kindergartner actually looked out of the screen and chastised me while rubbing the fresh bruise on her head.

"Sorry," I said aloud.

The mischievous scamp got back at me, though. Before long, we arrived at a dead end where an eerie voice made a terrible demand of us:

3000 GOLD!

Arle obviously wanted to pay up. Not one to go against the wishes of my little pal, I took a look inside our wallet to see how much cash we had earned to that point.

17 GOLD

I frowned.

And so began my quest to earn 2983 GOLD just so my barely out-of-diapers partner in crime could drop it all at a dead-end wall for some mysterious voice. But I saved up that money, damn it, because I cared.

And then I watched in horror as two arms extended from the wall, tickled a delighted Arle, and vanished along with my 3000 GOLD.

You would think that some sort of valuable weapon or item or scroll or SOMETHING would be awarded for this endeavor. But no. All I was left with was a smile on Arle's face.

And somehow, that was good enough. I also had a smile on my face, as I realized that I was experiencing a video game that had no peer in its adorableness and ingenuity. And my feeling that this adventure was truly something special only increased as its intriguing plot continued to unravel...

Yes, Madou does have a plot... although it does not place its focus on "surprising" WE'RE ALL FROM THE SAME ORPHANAGE scenarios or "shocking" GEAR CRUCIFIXIONS or "tragic" ALBERT/AERIS/ALAN IS DEAD debacles. Instead, it concentrates on Arle's budding friendships and heated rivalries with the misfits she meets during her journey to uncover the secrets of the great tower...

...misfits such as SKELETON T, the tea-guzzling rogue who gave Arle fits in many a Puyo tournament and who stands as the first-floor boss in Madou. Their initial encounter here, as one might expect, is incredibly dramatic... and absolutely freakin' weird:

SKELETON T: What are you doing here?

Arle: Er... um... [looks at his cup of tea] ... that looks like black tea...

SKELETON T: WHAT??!! YOU HAVEN'T HEARD ABOUT MY TEA??!!

(The tea explodes all over the room.)

SKELETON T: ARRRGGGH!

After such a... er, heated confrontation, one would probably believe that any hope for peace between the two rivals would be irrevocably lost. But things don't always turn out the way we expect them to, particularly not in the magical world of Madou. Arle later finds her old enemy in a decrepit state:

SKELETON T: Tea... I need tea...

Arle: HA HA HA!

(Me: BAHA!)

SKELETON T: Urrrgghhhh...

Arle: Sorry. Here, have some of my tea.

SKELETON T: Thanks! I owe you one!

In Madou, even SKELETON T can become a changed man.

Of course, he promptly attempted to murder Arle the next time we crossed paths with him. But that's what life is like within the dark tower of Madou. It's downright unforgiving... as was verified when Arle and I were forced to face

THE TRIAL OF THE MONKS

This challenge seemed simple enough at first. We entered a small room, whereupon a scary-looking monk asked us five yes-or-no questions. Sadly, his Kanji-ridden queries left me absolutely baffled, so we had no recourse but to guess at all the answers. Keep in mind that this was no small feat, as the evil monk refused to tell us which (if any) of our answers were correct. And so the guessing game began...

YES YES YES YES YES

We were shoved out of the room by the growling monk.

We walked back in.

YES YES YES YES NO

You can imagine how long this process took.

You can also imagine my exasperation when, after spending what seemed like hours inputting YESes and NOes, I finally stumbled upon the correct combination... only to discover that there were TWO MORE MONKS waiting to interrogate me.

Yet I pressed on, as this was probably the only video game I'd ever played that I absolutely felt the need to beat. I had to help my little animated friend complete her mission if it was the last thing I ever did.

NO NO NO NO YES

NO YES YES NO NO

NO NO NO YES NO

And at one horrifying point, it looked like I was going to fail.

Arle and I found ourselves stuck on a floor shrouded in complete darkness, with all of our attempts to use illumination items proving futile. The solution embedded in cryptic Kanji-laden clues eluded me. I threw down my control pad and turned off my Duo-R.

But if Arle taught me one thing during our wacky adventures together, it's that there's always hope. We didn't give in to SKELETON T. We didn't give in to the three crazy monks. And we sure as hell weren't going to give in just because some bum turned off the lights.

I had business to take care of, a mission to complete... and a little life to save.

(And I did it. ^_^)

Operation Wolf

~ OPERATION WOLF ~

Taito / NEC Avenue

HuCard

1990

Operation Wolf is extremely good at what it does with the limited concepts it explores, and it makes no pretense of being something grander than what it is. With that being the case, matters are made very convenient for prospective buyers. Do you enjoy moving crosshairs around a screen and blasting shit up? I do, and I had a great time with OW.

Admittedly, I had some concerns going in. I wasn't sure that a directional pad would work well for Wolf's brand of gameplay. Fortunately, the ol' PCE controller actually does OW justice: the action is smooth and fun, as quick targeting and precise shooting are possible.

I was also a little worried that the "soldier/helicopter/tank" enemy roster would wear thin rather quickly, but there's a decent amount of variety within each subgroup, with gunboats, knife hurlers, paratroopers, and many other breeds of foot soldier and vehicle joining the fray.

My third concern was that the quick little mission OW offers would amount to nothing more than a forgettable in-and-out jaunt. Well, Wolf is hardly epic, but it really doesn't need to be. It serves perfectly for pick-up-and-play-and-go fifteen-minute-burst sessions.

And hey, it's kind of funny in a misguided sort of way, with its eloquent "YOU DEAD" game-over message and silly-looking cutscenes.

Mr. Heli

~ MR. HELI ~

Irem

HuCard

1989

I like some of the ideas Irem came up with for this game. Instead of zooming along in one direction like craft do in most other shooters, your Heli is kind of a "free roamer," as he's able to look around for secrets and blast up rocks to reveal hidden crystals or power-ups (which can be bought with the crystals, introducing a wee bit of strategy).

The gameplay feels pretty good when you're fluttering about with spread fire and multi-missiles, and it's fun to stumble upon obscured niches in the environments.

Contrary to what you might expect from an Irem shooter, you can wing your way through almost every part of the game without bothering to memorize anything, as most of the enemies offer very little in the ways of pursuit and resistance. In most places, it's easy enough to flee from your foes if you're low on power and not a problem to bust them up if you're high. (It's worth keeping in mind that you're occasionally rewarded for facing and defeating tougher enemies rather than flying away.) While you're cruising along, you'll just need to keep in mind that there are a couple of spots where you can get killed in the blink of an eye if you're not being careful.

Although the game does rev up the capabilities of the enemy forces if you're powered up and doing well (a shooter methodology I always call bullshit on), things are easy enough that it's not really much of a concern except in one or two instances (the fifth mini-boss in particular goes from being a church mouse to a demon if you confront him at full strength).

While the game is a bit of a fan favorite, there are quite a few things I don't like about it. Everyone loves the orange 'copter, but I find him annoying, as I hate chubby hitboxes. The primitive graphics are just a small step above NES quality, while the music that I've actually noticed is cutesy, twinkly, lullaby-like crap (except for one brief sinister part of the last level's theme, which is cool).

The slowdown in spots is atrocious: calling to mind Rayxanber II, there was a time when I was in the fifth level with full fire and a lot of enemies about, and the slowdown became so bad that my gun stopped firing. (Thankfully, the ol' Ray II trick of placing the turbo switch in the middle position works here as well.)

Speaking of slowdown-ridden stretches, players must endure some extremely stupid "find the door in the empty dark room" parts that seem to have no point whatsoever except perhaps to show the pathetic degree of slowdown a PCE game can exhibit when there aren't even any enemies present.

Those who persist through the mire will at least get to partake in some worthwhile end-of-level showdowns. While we're not talking rocket science here, most of the bosses do demand that you think a little in order to come up with the most effective methods for beating them. The thought-provoking duels account for most of the enjoyment I get out of the game.

Mystic Formula

~ MYSTIC FORMULA ~

Micro Cabin Corp.

Super CD-ROM

1993

Even though most reviews of it depict it as being lackluster, I'd always found Mystic Formula intriguing before I finally got the chance to play it. Its visuals and apparent gameplay style reminded me of Elemental Master, which is one of my favorite Genesis games. Plus, its characters always look quite cool in artwork and cinema screenshots. As it turns out, MF isn't a straightforward shooter a la EM; rather, it's an overhead-view blaster of Last Alert's ilk. Unfortunately, it lacks LA's cool weaponry, diverse mission objectives, and explorable environments.

My experience with it commenced in wretched fashion. It wasted no time before disappointingly establishing that most of its cinemas would be of the "small window" variety, and said cinemas give way to awful in-game graphics. Gameplay-wise, it came off as a poor man's Last Alert, and it had me fighting vexatious little bats rather than soldiers and machines.

Things pick up a bit after the horrible start, however. The opposing army gets its act together and throws a few reasonably cool beasts and robots your way. You can commandeer enemy mecha and vehicles and grab icons that make allies appear and fight by your side.

But the problem is that the whole game is way, way, way too easy. I beat it the first time I played it and easily disposed of Hard mode the next time. The bosses, though they look kind of cool, are weaklings.

The "toughest" parts come during the first and third stages, when those swarming bats attack you. Beyond those sections, the game is cake. One serpent midboss does absolutely nothing except sloooowly follow you around the screen--even in Hard mode.

Still, the action is adequate if not particularly exciting or challenging. And the music is pretty good--not memorable, but pretty good. That's some lukewarm praise, but in Mystic Formula's case, it adds up to "better than expected." When I first acquired the disc, I happened to be playing through a long RPG, and it did provide a nice-enough break from that lengthy undertaking. But that's probably all it'll wind up being if you buy it: a decent "break" game. It won't occupy your attention for long. Sadly, $40 seems to be the typical asking price for it, and it really isn't worth that much. I got it for half that amount, and I was satisfied with the purchase.

Ginga Fukei Densetsu Sapphire

~ SAPPHIRE ~

Hudson Soft

Arcade CD-ROM

1995

It'd been a while since I'd last played this highly sought-after vert. Every now and then, I'd take it off my game shelf and toss it around my house just for the hell of it, but today I remembered that it's an excellent shooter and that throwing discs around is the act of a madman. So I played it and reacquainted myself with its awesome action and visuals.

I'd forgotten just how incredible the bosses and midbosses and plain old BIG-ass enemies are. You never know what this game's gonna throw at you next. In one area, a ring of dark mages summons a gigantic rock monster who breathes fire and hurls enormous boulders. In another, you meet a bizarre monk who transforms himself into a dragon amid a dreary downpour. This is right after you've dealt with a giant laser-firing phoenix and a mechanical serpent.

And none of those things are actual bosses. The boss mecha are multiform BEASTS who leave you little room to maneuver with their impressive attack methods.

People complain that, at a length of five levels, the game is too short; but hell, it delivers enough visual variety and remarkable enemies to serve multiple shooters, let alone one. And it makes for a brief experience only if you credit feed and bomb your way along like a baby. If you leave the default settings alone and try to 1CC the game, you'll find whole new layers of depth and strategy. You've gotta conserve your bombs, memorize enemy blast patterns, and counter the mega-attacks launched by your stout adversaries. To me, the effort seems like a successful melding of 16-bit-era aesthetics and level concepts with modern manic action and strategy elements.

Still, there are those who complain that the four selectable ships are too slow. Well, this certainly isn't a problem with one of the machines, and it really shouldn't be an issue with two others. Heck, I played through the game with the slowest craft and had a blast, and any other player who welcomes challenge will appreciate the alterations in strategy called for when using said craft. When it comes right down to it, if you know what you're doing, the ships don't feel slow because you understand where you need to be and how to make it there.

The only thing I don't like is the wailing music--the end-credits "solo" in particular is high-pitched cacophony. Fans of Lords of Thunder's soundtrack will love it, though. And even I dig the crunchy boss-track riff.

It's kind of pointless to ponder whether or not this famously expensive game is "worth it." I spent a lot of money on it, but I'm very glad I own it, and I've had plenty of fun with it. Weighing things objectively, I'd say Sapphire is the best vertical shooter of its time.