Ai Choaniki

~ AI CHOANIKI ~

NCS/Masaya

Super CD-ROM

1995

This is an atypical shooter, and I don't just mean in the most overt way. I'm sure everyone knows about Choaniki's bodybuilder element by this point, but if you're not acquainted with the series, take a look at this:

Now you've got the idea. But the thing here that will capture the serious shooter fan's attention is the control scheme. In order to pull off attacks that can dent the stronger enemies, you have to input Street Fighter-esque button combinations: back-forward-II, quarter-circle-II, and so on. Your bodybuilder flings stardust, deals spin-slaps, and blows enemies away with the devastating MEN'S BEAM. I didn't expect Ai to play very well, but performing the wacky techniques can feel pretty natural after just a short time, although few players ever reach a point where they're completely comfortable with the setup (pulling off a fighting-game move while you're flying around and dodging projectiles can prove to be a little tricky).

If the gameplay doesn't do it for you, the superficials probably will. In fact, this game has some of the most appealing visuals to be seen in a PC Engine shooter. You travel through typical environments like forests, oceans, and outer space, but they're jaw-droppingly beautiful here, and you get plenty of huge, well-drawn foes to deal with. And I won't even attempt to describe the music except by saying that it's eclectic and quite crazy (and definitely in a good way).

The disappointing thing about Ai is that it's incredibly easy. Once you have the moves down, you'll be smacking and stardusting your way right through the stages, and it takes only one look at any given boss (and its respective attack repertoire) to figure out exactly how to beat it. Also, there are only four stages to get through. Granted, all of them are split into sub-levels and contain multiple bosses, but they still constitute a very short trip.

And I guess the theme won't be for everyone, but you might be surprised at how much you end up enjoying the game. A buddy of mine was reluctant to purchase it, but when I finally persuaded him to and he powered it up, he yelled out "SEXY DYNAMITE!" within ten seconds and has been a big fan ever since. See, there's a euphoric feeling, a sense of both bewilderment and amusement, that goes along with experiencing Ai Choaniki's genius for the first time. This is a short, easy shooter, but if you'll be whipping it out every now and then to let friends experience the fun too, you'll find it to have pretty decent replay value. Otherwise, it'll probably be a one-day-and-out affair.

Choaniki

~ CHOANIKI ~

NCS/Masaya

Super CD-ROM

1992

Choaniki plays more like a traditional sidescrolling shooter than does its bizarre kinsman Ai Choaniki, and it doesn't have quite as much... uh, "homoerotic" stuff. But it does feature lots of oddball enemies and strange musical tracks (most of which are really good and will inevitably get stuck in your head, watch). Said enemies have an affinity for projectile attacks, so the screen tends to fill up quickly with bullets, making this title reminiscent of another NCS/Masaya shooter, Wings of Wor (although Choaniki never gets nearly as intense as that masterpiece). Still, while I wouldn't quite call the game easy, you'll be done with it in a day or two if you're a decent player.

The trip is made up of only five levels, but there are no fewer than twenty enormous bosses patrolling those levels. These weird, wacky giants frequently flood the playfield with bullets and are definitely the highlights of the Choaniki experience.

The action that will occupy your attention outside of boss fights is satisfying but formulaic. Basically, you'll face a wave or two of small fiends whom you can wipe out with your standard shots, and then you'll encounter a larger enemy or two whom you'll probably want to use your mighty "men's beam" on. The large guys usually drop "protein" power-ups; you'll pick those up and march onwards, repeating the process, occasionally finding a bald bodybuilder to serve as an option ship. There's plenty to shoot at and dodge, but the proceedings never really stray from this basic pattern. I remember my brother Duomitri talking about another shoot 'em up and saying it was "too linear"; at the time, I thought that was a ridiculous comment to be making about a shooter, but now, having played through Choaniki, I think I understand what he meant.

Ai Choaniki has better graphics, while this one has finer play mechanics and holds the slight musical edge. I get more of a kick out of Ai, but I'm more likely to play its predecessor on any given day. They're both good (if not quite great) and worth purchasing, though Choaniki can be a bit expensive. You may want to do some deal hunting before buying it.

Salamander

~ SALAMANDER ~

Konami

HuCard

1991

It's no secret that I'm not a big fan of most of Konami's space shooters--I was one of the few people disappointed with the ballyhooed Gradius II--but I actually love this one. It's fast and exciting (the majority of the others are neither), and it transitions from sidescrolling to vertical stages in seamless fashion, successfully incorporating variety lacking in its one-track-mind peers. It employs a nice, normal nab-the-icon-and-enjoy-the-upgrade power-up system (rather than Gradius' "innovative" bars-at-the-bottom nonsense) and fair checkpoints that let you come up with strategies to get by rather than simply requiring you to get lucky.

While some other players revel in the purported delights offered by the aforementioned Gradius II, I utilize that clunker as an object of comparison when extolling Salamander's many positive traits. Considering the conglomerate of orange balls and worms that are the predominant elements of G2's fiery first stage only makes the raging flames and fire hawks of Salamander's "BURNING CHAOS" level seem all the more impressive. Memories of G2's Stage 3, which has you methodically bust up crawling, crumbling crap chunks and evade pellet shots, serve to accentuate the awesomeness of Salamander's "ASTEROID HELL" area, which places you under extremely heavy enemy fire amid a veritable storm of stone.

While Gradius II's "thrilling" conclusion involves a "joke" boss that merely sits there as you batter it, Salamander's final stretch comprises a daring escape from the enemy base in the form of a tight, exciting speed run.

You duel with many of the same bosses in Salamander as you do during Gradius II's gauntlet stage, but here they actually go for the kill, and there's no goofy pharoah head to deal with. (Okay, so that fool isn't in Gradius II, but whatever.)

Salamander is a fairly short game at six levels, but I think that's a good thing. Gradius II is long and slow, and as a result, I feel like I'm being hit over the head with its antiquity, as its many levels employ one tired concept after another. Salamander is brief and exciting, and at no point do I even consider that the game is rather archaic visually. I just have a blast with it.

And no matter how many times you've heard it and how many lesser games it's appeared in, the Salamander boss music will always rule. Always.

Power Golf

~ POWER GOLF ~

Hudson Soft / NEC

HuCard

1989

I don't like golf at all, but I've enjoyed a couple of golf video games. My friends and I spent quite a bit of time with PGA Tour for the PC way back in the day, and I love Fine Shot Golf (one of the three games that Human Sports Festival comprises). So I was perfectly open to the possibility of liking this title, but it just didn't happen. "Stroke Play" landed me in golfing doldrums, with one boring tune to listen to and one course consisting of holes either facile or inane in design; and practically nothing is offered as far as alternative modes and tournaments go. Variety is clearly lacking, as is personality. The true video-golf enthusiast will probably be satisfied with the basic gameplay and revel in club selection and experimentation, but I'm left thinking this chip could've used a nice RPG mode.

You don't get many play modes to try, but you do get to pick from three available golfers. Leaving out the fellow with the red bucket-hat would've been akin to dropping Guy from Final Fight. Luckily, the TurboGrafx-16 is mightier than the SNES.

The swinging system is standard stuff, but some of the hole designs are not, including this "fourteen bridges to the pole" nonsense.

Birdies elicit fist pumping. Holes in one earn you large letters that soar onto the screen and thrillingly spell out "HOLE IN ONE."

That about does it, thank goodness. Check out your stats at the end of the day.

The "gorgeous" ending screen doesn't exactly make the whole affair worthwhile... but it does make for a fine example of palette swapping at its most pointless.

Parasol Stars

~ PARASOL STARS ~

Working Designs / Taito

HuCard

1991

I was late to the party on this one. PS received mediocre grades in Electronic Gaming Monthly upon its release (one guy even gave it a 4), so I didn't immediately dash out to buy it. But I heard nothing but praise for it after seeing those scores, and as I had enjoyed Bubble Bobble back in the day, I believed that I would have a good time with this similar-in-style followup.

And I did have fun with it, especially during the stages in which I had to put some thought into how exactly I'd reach/attack my enemies. The premise of bopping, heaving, and blasting on-the-scene adversaries is simple enough, but said adversaries can prove rather elusive and sequester themselves in tough-to-get-to spots. As the game goes along, it seems to focus more on stocking its levels with huge, hard-to-stun creatures than on presenting increasingly intricate board designs, which was somewhat disappointing. But the Bubble Bobble-style proceedings--which feature cartoony bosses to fight, tasty-looking treats to collect, elemental weaponry to wield, and score-boosting secrets to stumble upon--kept me entertained until I reached the adventure's conclusion.

Speaking of the conclusion, I was exasperated when I discovered that this devious game has a GNG-esque "bad ending." Thankfully, I was able to achieve the superior finish with little grief during my very next try.

I'm less forgiving of the limited soundtrack; additional good tunes certainly would've been welcome. But the biggest concern with Parasol Stars isn't the soundtrack or the bad ending or the simplistic level design; it's the price tag. The game is an enjoyable time-waster, for sure, but it won't make for a landmark experience for most people, and a price of $10-15 seems more appropriate than what I often see it go for, unless the buyer plans on logging lots of hours in two-player mode.

But to conclude with a positive, I was delighted to encounter the big boss from the original Bubble Bobble in the ninth world here. It'd been many years since I'd last seen the old goober, and the reunion was a fun one!