The Original Six

IvaNEC's initial Turbo experiences didn't quite go according to plan...

It was December of 1989 when I laughed the laugh of a madman and elbow dropped my NES, smashing the system into a billion pieces.

"I don't need you anymore!" I yelled, gleefully flinging the gray-and-red remnants across the room.

Then I remembered that the awesome-looking Crystalis was due out in just a few months. I hastily reassembled the machine.

But my point had been made. I was (just about) ready to leave the unrefined 8-bit world behind and discover 16-bit Valhalla. My highly advanced console of choice? The TurboGrafx-16.

There really wasn't any question as to whether I would go with the Turbo or the Genesis. Screenshots of games like Keith Courage and R-Type completely blew me away. What brilliant colors! What enormous enemies! Yeah, the guy who hurled his heads at the hero in Altered Beast was cool, but he couldn't compare with the big, scary Deep Blue boss fish. Screw Tommy Lasorda Baseball; I wanted some manly barbarian-style hacking and slashing, and The Legendary Axe was sure to give it to me. Speaking of Axe, who could ever forget the first time they saw the TG-16 commercial showing off the giant Jagu?

Helping to seal the deal was the Electronic Gaming Monthly article that basically declared NEC's triumph in the United States inevitable based on the PC Engine's effortless slaughter of the Mega Drive overseas. Seemed like I couldn't go wrong with the mighty, can't-miss Turbo. So after swiping a few moneybags from my cousin Zigfriedolstoy's vault, I set off for my local video-game store with the confident swagger of a man headed toward a wondrous destiny of guaranteed gaming excellence.

Upon entering the shop, I noticed a TG-16 display running a Victory Run demo. A lone lad stood gazing at the screen, no doubt marveling at the amazing technology on exhibit before him. I walked on over to pass along my expertise on the 16-bit powerhouse he had just become acquainted with, to let him know that Victory Run was but the tip of an extraordinary iceberg.

He turned to me and said, "This thing sucks."

"Yeah... right," I replied with a scowl. We gave each other cold looks; enmity had evolved between us.

And with that tough-guy staredown, the 16-bit wars had begun.

We went our separate ways. He walked over to the Genesis aisle. I walked over to the... lazy-looking store manager, as there was no TurboGrafx aisle and I wanted to know what the hell was going on.

"Oh," he said. "You're the first person who's asked for one of those."

That's odd, I thought. Oh well. Word of mouth would spread and sales would heat up soon enough! All that was important at that moment was that the goofy manager was digging up a TG-16 from the back of the storeroom so that I could purchase it and take it home and start playing it.

Of course, before I could start playing it, I had to set it up, and setting it up necessitated removal of its back cover, which left the previously sleek console looking awfully fucking stupid. It was like discovering your hot girlfriend is hot only because of a lot of makeup and a wig. But at least the TurboPads had turbo switches! That was fucking rad.

The first game up, of course, was Keith Courage in Alpha Zones. The pack-in title always has to be first, after all. And, holy shit, did it blow me away right off the bat. A flashing title screen! The magnificence was blinding. Or maybe it was the glitchy manner in which the text finally settled/grinded into place. Either way, I was impressed.

Then I started playing the game. Hm. Little squeak-squeak sword noises and beanie-wearing villains weren't exactly what I had envisioned for 16-bit action. But, well, the sound of the enemies biting the dust was pretty explosive, at least.

Then Keith changed into his alpha suit or whatever it is.

Fucking awesome. Here we go, I thought.

And indeed, KC's graphics and audio stepped up big time in its underworld. Unfortunately, after bumbling along for a few seconds and making a blind leap into a spike pit, I didn't really feel like playing any more of the game.

Well, VideoGames & Computer Entertainment had warned me that KC's gameplay lacks depth. At least the chip had done the job of whetting my appetite for more awesome 16-bit tunes and visuals. And who knows, I thought, maybe the game itself will grow on me!

Seventeen years would pass before I'd bother with it again.

But let's not get ahead of ourselves. Next up was the TurboChip I was most looking forward to, the ultimate TurboGrafx title of the day... The Legendary Axe.

Now this is fucking badass, I thought, as I hacked up bats and high-leaping axemen to the groovy rhythm of a jungle-themed tune. The spider residing in the first level's pit and the bears at the end of the stage seemed fucking HUGE to me. No more midget-esque Birdos and Kraids acting as "bosses." Big monsters, awesome musical tracks--this is what 16-bit gaming was supposed to be about! Some amoeba thing knocked me into lava in Area 2, but with that level's haunting tune still running through my mind, I moved on to my next TurboChip with renewed enthusiasm.

And that next TurboChip was Victory Run, the very title whose honor I'd defended during the legendary shop confrontation described earlier. Man, I thought upon powering it up, what a nice-looking driving game. I walked over to my shelf of NES carts, picked up Rad Racer, and chucked the old-timer out the window. With a miscreantic smile on my face, I sat down to enjoy advanced racing action.

The smile vanished almost instantly. See, what screenshots and even the aforementioned store display failed to convey was just how poorly Victory Run plays. It's hard to begin with and extremely clunky on top of that. Time elapsed on my crash-ridden "run," leaving me angrily shaking my fist at the screen.

I decided that returning to The Legendary Axe was my only viable option at that point. But hey, I thought, with a little practice, maybe I'll come to like Victory Run after all.

Eighteen years would pass before I'd bother with it again.

Axe was great and would remain great in my book for all eternity, but I was young and impatient and a single title could hold my attention for only so long. I needed more games. Help arrived quickly in the forms of Vigilante and Fantasy Zone.

Vigilante--a fighting game with an attitude! Or so it seemed. I'd put a ridiculous amount of play time into NES Double Dragon, so the hours I'd end up devoting to a 16-bit brawler seemed inestimable.

Well, it was more like minutes. Like... six minutes. Because that's about how long it took me to crush the game on my very first try. My Genesis-owning friends' jibes about it basically being a Kung Fu clone didn't help alleviate the disappointment. Of course, I didn't express that disappointment; I argued against their accusations vehemently, in fact. But I knew what the truth was, and it burned.

Thank goodness Fantasy Zone had ridden into town that same day.

Even those snickering buddies of mine had a blast with FZ. I myself became so enamored with its pretty pastels, jolly music, and charismatic bosses that I proclaimed it my favorite game of all time. Of course, it kinda stuck in the back of my mind that I was singing the praises of a practically ancient Sega game while the Genesis owners in town were moving on to cool new things. But, look, I needed something to boast about as a Turbo fan, and I could play the Legendary Axe card only so many times.

Well, I had to play that card once more... when VG&CE declared Axe their 1989 Video Game of the Year. Andy Eddy and company had come through for me! I assembled a crowd of Genesis lovers and broke out the magazine, flaunting the feature.

"You can't beat this!" I yelled.

Unfortunately, they could. In the midst of my euphoria, I was handed a copy of the EGM awards issue and came crashing back down to Earth with a cold, hard thud.

The Genesis had been named System of the Year. I read the report and wept.

Those formerly unsympathetic Genesis fans consoled me with statements like,

"Just get a Genesis, dude."

I could pretend no longer. The show was over.

"Well, the Turbo has been a bit of a disappointment..."

And with that, say the scribes, the Genesis won its war versus the TurboGrafx-16. It had been an epic battle in which a winner could not be determined for a whole, oh, four days or so.

But I wasn't quite ready to give up on the TG-16. I'd heard about the insane intensity of a brash new shooter, a cocky young gun called Blazing Lazers. It was pretty much my last hope. All was riding on BL.

Even the Genesis fans were praying that it would all work out for me.

I took a deep breath, swiped another moneybag from Zigfriedolstoy's vault, and journeyed back to the local game shop. This would be the title I was waiting for. I just knew it.

Blazing Lazers, unfortunately, was out of stock. So I bought Alien Crush instead. A pinball game.

Looking to salvage what little was left of my Turbo's dignity with a fucking pinball title seemed a hopeless proposition.

But funnily enough, I spent hours in front of the TV that night, enjoying AC and digging its soundtrack, particularly the eerie Demon's Undulate tune. And I thought to myself, "You know, this console doesn't get the appreciation it deserves." And I played on, with a little bit of new hope, a little bit of anticipation for what was yet to come for the system...

And I bought a Genesis a few weeks later. Man, Thunder Force II was fucking awesome. And there was also the wonderful Castle of Illusion, which somehow managed to outdo J.J. & Jeff in the 16-bit cartoony-platformers duel.

But the Turbo hung around. What can I say? I'd become attached to the damn thing. And eventually Blazing Lazers did make its way into my collection and did indeed blow me the fuck away, as did other sweet cards like Bonk's Adventure. Once the CD unit finally dropped to a price I could afford and I got to play games like Ys Book I & II, Cosmic Fantasy 2, Gate of Thunder, and Shape Shifter, I experienced unforgettable moments that would not only entrench the Grafx in its long-maintained, never-relinquished position of being my favorite system but also validate its presence there. And when I eventually discovered import titles a few years later, well, my Turbo gaming was lifted to an entirely different and glorious realm.

Twenty years and hundreds of games later, my TG-16 is still with me. It had worked sans issues of any sort until it was ultimately set aside for a fancy Duo-R. As for Keith Courage, Legendary Axe, Victory Run, Vigilante, Fantasy Zone, and Alien Crush? They, too, are still with me. LA, FZ, and AC remain personal favorites. KC and VR did eventually grow on me--it took them a decade or two, but who's counting? And Vigilante, erm, still sucks. But it'll always hold a spot among that old, original crew, the batch of games I've come to look upon so fondly and dub The Original Six.

Without them and their collective inadequacy, I might never have discovered just how awesome a console the Genesis really is.

Splash Lake

~ SPLASH LAKE ~

NEC Avenue

CD-ROM

1992

It usually takes just one look at these overhead-view "action-puzzlers" to thoroughly disgust me, as they always remind me of Bomberman, which I think is one of the most overrated franchises around. Splash Lake certainly has commonalities with Bomberman: the player proceeds board by board, clearing each field of strange little enemies. But SL's eclectic cast, which features an oddball ostrich and amusing villains such as a chain-smoking tree stump, has charm that stupid-looking, "spacesuit"-wearing Bomberman and his dull circular foes lack.

Peck away at segments of bridge to drop your charismatic opponents into the lake. It sounds simple enough, but unlike many of the dimwits who oppose Bomberman, some of Splash's villains are pretty bright and can pull a few quick ones on the unalert player. Evil ostriches leap from falling platforms and then perform some structural obliteration of their own, snails nullify your efforts to bring the bridgework down by undoing the damage you've done, flames avoid fragile ground, phantoms play teleportation tricks, and snakes charge forward a la Zelda Ropes once they've spotted you.

It's a great bunch of bad guys. Sadly, there are no real bosses to lead them. Occasionally, you encounter larger creatures and one-off foes, but no particular scene really comes off as a "dramatic confrontation."

You'll have your hands full with the action as things are, though. And there's another element to take into account: each of the sixty (core) stages holds a secret item for you to poke around for and snatch up. Matters seem more frantic when you're trying to find and obtain these treats, especially during the already-tricky final stages.

But while the levels get trickier as you go along, they don't offer up much variety visually. It would've been nice if some boards featured backdrops other than water. How about some lava lakes or tar pits or something?

Well, not many chances were taken with the visuals, but the soundtrack is a different story. This is some of the silliest stuff you'll ever hear from T's Music. I can't say it isn't annoying at times, but I must admit that it fits the wacky adventure quite well.

Some appropriately humorous cinematics in the form of "Ostrich Theater" skits were also included, though they probably aren't exactly what you've come to expect from Turbo CD intermissions. Still, I bet they'll make you smile...

...and the game will do little to make you lose that smile before you reach the scene of the final sunset.

Dragon Knight III

~ DRAGON KNIGHT III ~

Elf / NEC Avenue

Super CD-ROM

1994

This was the final stop I made during my experiences with the Duo's glorious Dragon Knight trinity, and I'm happy to say that the journey ended in fine fashion. DK3 is a third-person RPG, whereas its predecessors are first-person dungeon crawlers. This change in style made me a little apprehensive coming in, but the game turned out to be excellent.

Random battles occur frequently, but the fights play out extremely quickly and reward you with lots of gold and experience points. The combat system is very user friendly, and the opposing army comprises a great mix: DK2-style girl-fiends are accompanied by cool-looking dragons and ghosts and whatnot. Both the ladies and the monsters are animated, and there are gorgeous backdrops for the rumbles.

There are also fun fights to be had with crazy boss characters.

The designers essentially took the best elements of the first DK's scrums and the second DK's duels and put them all together to present fast, great-looking, rewarding combat scenes.

Not to be forgotten are the cool tunes that play during those battles. In fact, all of the game's tunes are good, with one of the best numbers coming at the very end: as you go around visiting friends, a ROCKIN' victory track (the work of T's Music) celebrates your accomplishments.

Also very appealing are the visuals outside of battle. The artists went with attractive light colors and pastels in lieu of the gritty browns and grays prominent in the previous episodes.

They also paid a great deal of attention to little details. Your party members' appearances change when they don new pieces of equipment--a minor element, perhaps, but one that always makes for a neat inclusion.

In addition to the wonderful aesthetics and sweet combat, DK3 delivers an abundance of effective comedy. Takeru (the hero) gets jumped during the opening moments of play...

...and is forced to wander around the first town in a hapless, naked state.

That's just the beginning of Takeru's bumbling and stumbling, as the crazy antics continue up to and all the way through the entertaining end-credits sketch. The game isn't all about silliness, however. As is the case with DK2, the climax is shocking and exciting.

One of the best parts of the DK3 experience for me was revisiting towns I'd first traveled through in previous episodes. DK2 is one of my favorite games, so returning to the town of Phoenix and catching up with old friends made for a very merry time (kind of like when you get to romp through the realm of the first Ys in Ys IV, just to give you an idea if you're an Ys fan--and you'd better be).

Along with recruiting old allies, you'll need to enlist the assistance of some cool new characters...

...as you deal with your evil adversaries.

And, of course, there are the girls!

DK3 doesn't provide enormous dungeons, taxing puzzles, or a super-long quest. But it does present great battle scenes, lots of humor, pleasing aesthetics, and a fast-paced adventure that should leave most everyone satisfied.

Dragon Spirit

~ DRAGON SPIRIT ~

Namco

HuCard

1989

Considering that Dragon Spirit, tame as it may be, allows players to control a fire-breathing beast capable of growing two additional heads as opposed to the usual spacecraft or fighter jet, it’s easy to understand why some people found it appealing during an era in which the 1942 brand of vertical shooter was prominent. But when also considering what was right around the corner for the sub-genre, with Compile in particular just about ready to get its act together, it’s equally comprehensible why, to put it bluntly, few people give a damn about this game anymore.

To witness Dragon Spirit in action is to observe a number of neat concepts being spoiled by poor execution and lackluster presentation. Actually, "lackluster" is generous; the game is ugly as hell, with scenery so unsightly it ruins what otherwise might've been solid stage concepts. Take Area 5, which throws you into a narrow cavern containing razor-sharp crags that move in and out intermittently. Things can get pretty tight here, especially since there are some cunning creatures patrolling the dusky grounds. But when all is said and done, you probably won’t recall the claustrophobic feelings and close calls that you experienced--no, you’ll remember the boring brown interior placed atop a horrifyingly putrid green-brown canvas. To be certain, caves are supposed to be somewhat dreary and shadowy, but this "artwork" is revolting and disgracefully amateurish.

The game plays very slowly and, thanks to the stupidly large hitbox, is often annoying. Area 7 requires that you launch an assault on an enemy fortress. Again, there’s little room to maneuver within the narrow halls, especially with the resident bevies of bats, toads, and “living statues" attempting to eliminate you. It should make for a pretty intense scene--right? Unfortunately, with your dragon flying slowly and your enemies moving slowly (even the projectiles they shoot seem to struggle just to make it across the screen), the scene becomes more tedious than exciting. Imagine, if you will, an SNES shooter handicapped by the type of ludicrous slowdown that the system was notorious for. That’s the level of speed that Dragon Spirit trudges along at--but there is no slowdown at work here.

But amid all this criticism of the visuals and gameplay, let's not forget to give the audio its deserved shellacking. Strings of quiet notes form unassertive melodies that seem to have been included simply because some form of audio was required. I have no idea why people are so fond of this soundtrack, as most of it sounds very plain to me, and the high-pitched garbage in the seventh stage constitutes one of the most irritating chip tunes I've ever heard.

As horrid as it looks and sounds, Dragon Spirit could've been a genuinely memorable adventure had it featured some solid stretches of inspired action. But even its boss battles are plagued by problems that nullify their potential. Specifically, enemy leaders are way too easy to take down if combated with a powered-up dragon.

Outside of those forgettable fights, the gameplay largely consists of dropping “bombs” on ground-based foes. This routine of making precise drops while avoiding slow-moving shots becomes dull rather quickly. When Dragon Spirit does decide to place its focus on shooting and weaving, it becomes an easy affair, particularly if you happen to be in “mini-dragon” form.

Yes, Dragon Spirit does have its interesting elements, and your dragon’s ability to shrink when the appropriate icon is obtained is one of them. Of course, a tiny dragon makes it even easier to avoid the slow-moving projectiles and dim-witted enemies, though I will say that the very last stretch of Area 8 (a spear gauntlet followed by a scythe-tossing boss) is a good challenge.

Everything actually does come together for DS in Area 6, as a little emotion is injected into the aural experience, not to mention that the icy level is really rather pretty.

Surely, this shows that Dragon Spirit's superficial shortcomings can’t simply be attributed to its age. It achieves excellence when it wants to--it just doesn’t seem to want to very often.