Genpei Toumaden

~ GENPEI TOUMADEN ~

Namco

HuCard

1990

Well, Genpei Toumaden is quite an abomination, but it could've been a quality action game. The project had a lot of potential; a lot of good ideas went into it. The fact that the designers bothered to come up with three different play modes (the huge-sprite-flaunting BIG Mode, which Samurai Ghost fans are already acquainted with; a sidescrolling distant-view mode; and an overhead-view one) signifies some ambition on their part and gives the game the foundation for Blaster Master-style variety. Also, multiple gateways leading to new areas can be found in most of the distant-view and overhead-view stages, meaning you can take different paths to the end and explore dozens of boards in all. Sadly, there's something terribly wrong with each play mode.

You would think that BIG Mode would be cool since it's utilized for the entirety of Samurai Ghost, a pretty badass game. Unfortunately, in GT, there just isn't much to do in these stages; hardly any effort was made to incorporate clever obstacles or hazards. You smack a few frogs or tigers or flaming arrows with your blade, and then it's boss time. And speaking of the bosses, you face the same two clowns over and over again. Decent parallax backs the lackluster action, but most of the scenery is too simplistic for the visuals to be considered impressive on the whole.

The distant-view sidescrolling stages actually had the most potential. As day turns to night (which happens in BIG Mode, too), you'll see plenty of interesting concepts at work. For example, mystical ferrymen occasionally paddle across the sky, reluctantly granting you a lift if you want one but dropping anvils on your noggin if you keep to the turf. Most of the enemies look awful, but there are some cool ones to fight, including a number of extremely large dragons. But good platforming is where this game should've made its mark, as the level design is truly excellent, with many cleverly placed platforms and objects to utilize or maneuver around.

Unfortunately, the controls and collision detection are absolutely horrid. Just how shitty is the gameplay? Consider this: you'll need to leap onto many platforms that drift on horizontal planes, in typical platformer fashion; but once you complete a jump, your samurai guy will stand stationary as the platform moves out from under his feet. Instead of riding the platform like any normal video game character, he'll remain in one spot and promptly fall into a penalty zone.

Yes, the makers of GT apparently thought it'd be cute to include overhead-view penalty zones as forms of punishment for plummeting into pits or dying. These are mazelike areas with graphic and gameplay deficiencies similar to those that plague the sideview segments. You'll end up seeing the penalty stages many, many times thanks to the poor controls. And once you make your escape from one, you'll probably be forced to replay a number of the proper stages to get back to where you were.

While you're making your way through those stages, you'd better keep an eye out for three items (a jewel, a mirror, and a sword) that are necessary for beating the game. Killing a trio of giant serpents will net you the blade, and the jewel sits right out in the open, ripe for the taking (if you can make a few well-timed leaps).

Smash up the statues to the right of the hero in the screen below to reveal the warp spot that'll transport you to the area containing the elusive mirror.

Should you arrive at the final boss's lair without those three objects, you can forget about winning.

If you lack common sense, as I apparently do, and insist on battling to the end, you'll find that revisiting old boards and dealing constantly with terrible controls end up making the game not only tedious but also torturous, despite all the nice concepts it has going for it.

Advanced V.G.

~ ADVANCED V.G. ~

TGL

Super CD-ROM

1994

I had a pretty good idea of what AVG is (a mere all-girl Street Fighter II clone, and an unexceptional one at that) long before playing it. Its nature was never really in doubt.

But I wasn't prepared for the complaints expressed by my furious cousin Zigfriedofsky after he'd completed the game. The enraged lad screamed and howled about stupid, unskippable voice-acted bits; invisible bosses; and a ridiculous storyline made laughable by out-of-place emotional moments. (Incidentally, you can and should read his un-IvaNEC-paraphrased commentary here.) His points were pretty much right on, especially in regard to the game's dopey plot...

...I mean, what are we going for here, silly waitress vs. bunny girl conflict featuring right-in-your-face panty shots or deep, heartfelt storytelling? It's a horrible clump of hogwash as it is.

Still, I wouldn't be quite as harsh in my final assessment of the game as Zigfriedofsky was in his. Unlike, say, Fighting Street, AVG is not a monumental disaster. Its gameplay is decent enough, a few of its tunes are of extremely high quality, and some of its cinematic material is quite cool and well presented.

But its fighting system isn't deep; this is SF2 copycat stuff on the surface with nothing to discover underneath but cheap tactics. And since it's only natural to compare this title with the PCE's other "girl fighter," I'll note that Asuka 120% is a much stronger product.

Ane-san

~ ANE-SAN ~

NEC Avenue

Super CD-ROM

1995

People love to rag on Riot Zone, which is actually a perfectly playable brawler, yet they often let this complete piece of trash off with mid-range grades. Well, all the "flaws" that some folks hate RZ for are present (to more frightful extremes) here. The Ane-san uglies can perform even fewer moves than RZ's heroes, and their game is even easier than RZ: pick a spot to stand in, crank up turbo on the attack trigger, and watch the mindless goons march into your rapid-fire knuckle barrage like moths to a flame. And while RZ takes lumps for enemy repetition, the lack of variation here is so severe that it's ludicrous. You encounter the same three or four boring battlers over and over again.

The standard enemy sprites look terrible; and while the bosses fare better appearance-wise than their minions, they're pathetic in combat, almost always succumbing to routine combos in mere seconds.

The background graphics are very drab (much, much worse than Riot Zone's), while the music is quite crazy--not in a cool way like, say, Faussete Amour's, but in a repetitive, ultra-irritating way. And none of this awfulness is negated by the occasional opportunities you're given to buy stupid things and play ridiculous bonus games.

I guess some people are willing to let a bad game off the hook as long as it does something unusual thematically. In this case, the "intriguing" element is the cast of ugly biker chicks. If you would like to acquire a decent brawler and you're not deliberately searching for atypical material, pick up Riot Zone. It's much, much better than this piece of shit.

Makai Prince Dorabo-chan

~ MAKAI PRINCE DORABO-CHAN ~

Naxat Soft / Red

HuCard

1990

Dorabo-chan seems pleasant enough at first. It's a fairly typical run-and-jump platformer, with fairly typical green grounds and blue skies comprising its first-stage environment, the dominion of Little Goomba lookalikes who plod and bumble about. The levels are pretty large, and you can scavenge them for special items that boost your firepower and grant you incredible super powers (such as a double jump). And each cartoony stage culminates with a battle in a boss's lair a la Bonk's Adventure.

But after a decent start, things go downhill fast. That Mario-esque first board is by far the most appealing of the bunch; everything afterwards looks, well... "blech." The main character proves himself to be a clumsy slider, and his piddly weaponry is no fun to use.

Worst of all, the game feels pointless. As if it isn't bad enough that the action is inadequate and the visuals, drab, the "rewards" to be reaped from exploring are negligible. Why take a long path to a health restorer if the only reason you'll need health restoration at that point is because you went out of your way in the first place? What exactly is the benefit in using a weapon that freezes your foes when you can just kill them outright with your primary powers? Where's the thrill in locating a 1-up when you've already got a dozen extra lives in stock? And why make a priority of gathering tomatoes to bombard the bosses with when said bosses are hopeless chumps regardless?

The last boss should shoulder the brunt of the shame: he looks pretty cool but puts up a fight beneath the standards of even the Goomba guys.

I must say that while the bosses disappoint, the mini-bosses actually constitute a pretty cool group of mid-round warriors. One fire wielder is even kinda tough.

But aside from respectable mini-bosses, a fairly enjoyable opening stretch, and some tricky spots in the final stage, Dorabo-chan has nothing to offer. It's not awful on the whole, but it certainly can't compete with the likes of Son Son II and Momotarou Katsugeki.

Chikudenya Toubee

~ CHIKUDENYA TOUBEE ~

Naxat Soft

HuCard

1990

Selecting HuCard as the medium for a digital comic wouldn't seem to be the most prudent move, as it requires the minimization or outright omission of many of the genre's signature elements--no voice acting, fancy anime intros, or sprightly vocal numbers on chip. But I'm not one to care about voice acting, and bless its heart, Chikudenya Toubee does its best to present a sweet opening cinema, and I'll be damned if the music that accompanies said cinema isn't pretty darn cool too.

For all the valiance that went into its design, CT isn't a visual feast. But I really like the dark manner in which it's presented; it's such a bizarre and compelling game.

It definitely isn't for everyone, though. There's an awful lot of Japanese text to button through, and while the tunes are generally very good, they can become annoying if you find yourself stuck for a while on a single screen. And this is not an easy game to get through, as quite a bit of backtracking, "quiz" passing, and puzzle solving is required.

That's the beautiful image you must construct in the make-a-face "mini-game."

The solution to the numbers puzzle is 2-4-5.

A challenge it will certainly be, but one worth taking up if you've already been able to get through a fair number of Japanese comics, as the dark atmosphere it establishes and strange events it depicts make Chikudenya Toubee a memorable title.