Advanced V.G.

~ ADVANCED V.G. ~

TGL

Super CD-ROM

1994

I had a pretty good idea of what AVG is (a mere all-girl Street Fighter II clone, and an unexceptional one at that) long before playing it. Its nature was never really in doubt.

But I wasn't prepared for the complaints expressed by my furious cousin Zigfriedofsky after he'd completed the game. The enraged lad screamed and howled about stupid, unskippable voice-acted bits; invisible bosses; and a ridiculous storyline made laughable by out-of-place emotional moments. (Incidentally, you can and should read his un-IvaNEC-paraphrased commentary here.) His points were pretty much right on, especially in regard to the game's dopey plot...

...I mean, what are we going for here, silly waitress vs. bunny girl conflict featuring right-in-your-face panty shots or deep, heartfelt storytelling? It's a horrible clump of hogwash as it is.

Still, I wouldn't be quite as harsh in my final assessment of the game as Zigfriedofsky was in his. Unlike, say, Fighting Street, AVG is not a monumental disaster. Its gameplay is decent enough, a few of its tunes are of extremely high quality, and some of its cinematic material is quite cool and well presented.

But its fighting system isn't deep; this is SF2 copycat stuff on the surface with nothing to discover underneath but cheap tactics. And since it's only natural to compare this title with the PCE's other "girl fighter," I'll note that Asuka 120% is a much stronger product.

Ane-san

~ ANE-SAN ~

NEC Avenue

Super CD-ROM

1995

People love to rag on Riot Zone, which is actually a perfectly playable brawler, yet they often let this complete piece of trash off with mid-range grades. Well, all the "flaws" that some folks hate RZ for are present (to more frightful extremes) here. The Ane-san uglies can perform even fewer moves than RZ's heroes, and their game is even easier than RZ: pick a spot to stand in, crank up turbo on the attack trigger, and watch the mindless goons march into your rapid-fire knuckle barrage like moths to a flame. And while RZ takes lumps for enemy repetition, the lack of variation here is so severe that it's ludicrous. You encounter the same three or four boring battlers over and over again.

The standard enemy sprites look terrible; and while the bosses fare better appearance-wise than their minions, they're pathetic in combat, almost always succumbing to routine combos in mere seconds.

The background graphics are very drab (much, much worse than Riot Zone's), while the music is quite crazy--not in a cool way like, say, Faussete Amour's, but in a repetitive, ultra-irritating way. And none of this awfulness is negated by the occasional opportunities you're given to buy stupid things and play ridiculous bonus games.

I guess some people are willing to let a bad game off the hook as long as it does something unusual thematically. In this case, the "intriguing" element is the cast of ugly biker chicks. If you would like to acquire a decent brawler and you're not deliberately searching for atypical material, pick up Riot Zone. It's much, much better than this piece of shit.

Makai Prince Dorabo-chan

~ MAKAI PRINCE DORABO-CHAN ~

Naxat Soft / Red

HuCard

1990

Dorabo-chan seems pleasant enough at first. It's a fairly typical run-and-jump platformer, with fairly typical green grounds and blue skies comprising its first-stage environment, the dominion of Little Goomba lookalikes who plod and bumble about. The levels are pretty large, and you can scavenge them for special items that boost your firepower and grant you incredible super powers (such as a double jump). And each cartoony stage culminates with a battle in a boss's lair a la Bonk's Adventure.

But after a decent start, things go downhill fast. That Mario-esque first board is by far the most appealing of the bunch; everything afterwards looks, well... "blech." The main character proves himself to be a clumsy slider, and his piddly weaponry is no fun to use.

Worst of all, the game feels pointless. As if it isn't bad enough that the action is inadequate and the visuals, drab, the "rewards" to be reaped from exploring are negligible. Why take a long path to a health restorer if the only reason you'll need health restoration at that point is because you went out of your way in the first place? What exactly is the benefit in using a weapon that freezes your foes when you can just kill them outright with your primary powers? Where's the thrill in locating a 1-up when you've already got a dozen extra lives in stock? And why make a priority of gathering tomatoes to bombard the bosses with when said bosses are hopeless chumps regardless?

The last boss should shoulder the brunt of the shame: he looks pretty cool but puts up a fight beneath the standards of even the Goomba guys.

I must say that while the bosses disappoint, the mini-bosses actually constitute a pretty cool group of mid-round warriors. One fire wielder is even kinda tough.

But aside from respectable mini-bosses, a fairly enjoyable opening stretch, and some tricky spots in the final stage, Dorabo-chan has nothing to offer. It's not awful on the whole, but it certainly can't compete with the likes of Son Son II and Momotarou Katsugeki.

Chikudenya Toubee

~ CHIKUDENYA TOUBEE ~

Naxat Soft

HuCard

1990

Selecting HuCard as the medium for a digital comic wouldn't seem to be the most prudent move, as it requires the minimization or outright omission of many of the genre's signature elements--no voice acting, fancy anime intros, or sprightly vocal numbers on chip. But I'm not one to care about voice acting, and bless its heart, Chikudenya Toubee does its best to present a sweet opening cinema, and I'll be damned if the music that accompanies said cinema isn't pretty darn cool too.

For all the valiance that went into its design, CT isn't a visual feast. But I really like the dark manner in which it's presented; it's such a bizarre and compelling game.

It definitely isn't for everyone, though. There's an awful lot of Japanese text to button through, and while the tunes are generally very good, they can become annoying if you find yourself stuck for a while on a single screen. And this is not an easy game to get through, as quite a bit of backtracking, "quiz" passing, and puzzle solving is required.

That's the beautiful image you must construct in the make-a-face "mini-game."

The solution to the numbers puzzle is 2-4-5.

A challenge it will certainly be, but one worth taking up if you've already been able to get through a fair number of Japanese comics, as the dark atmosphere it establishes and strange events it depicts make Chikudenya Toubee a memorable title.

Tatsu no Ko Fighter

~ TATSU NO KO FIGHTER ~

Tonkin House / Tokyo Shoseki

HuCard

1989

Tatsu no Ko Fighter is a dreadful action-platformer, a primitive disaster bearing disgraceful visuals. Its nature was immediately apparent to me from afar, but since conquering it is often alleged to be a nigh-impossible task, and since I'm always up for nigh-impossible tasks, I decided to give it a try. I discovered that it is indeed tough, but its challenge is of the "hard for all the wrong reasons" variety. We get a weak hero, wretched jumping controls, and abysmal collision detection in a world of countless bottomless pits; thin platforms; deadly booby traps; blind leaps; spiked floors; and really fast, really strong enemies.

And now I hear my friend Nectarsis (Turbo Master of the Great Midwest) asking, "Aren't there ANY redeeming features?" Well, a couple of the tunes aren't too bad--and are obviously wasted here.

These two cloud-riding guys are helpful in destroying enemies who would normally laugh off your regular attacks and maul you. They can't keep your feeble, clumsy avatar from falling off those thin columns, though...

...nor will they reveal the many traps the enemy has set for you.

I like the skeletons, who lob their own heads at the hero.

But there isn't much to like about the bosses, who are stupidly easy to beat. Just before stomping on them, the inspired farmer-boy protagonist undergoes a laughable transformation into a "muscleman." Look at that mighty weapon he wields; how could his foes have ever stood a chance?

During your travels, you pass through crudely drawn villages where you can rest, upgrade your weapon, and speak with some incredibly ugly townspeople.

Yep, there are towns and transformation scenes... and there's even a little bit of romance. Tatsu no Ko Fighter truly is a complete package.

It's good to know that the goofballs involved in the mayhem end up being friends.

Bomberman '94

~ BOMBERMAN '94 ~

Hudson Soft

HuCard

1993

The impressive leap in quality the Bomberman series made in going from the "paper classic" original to the legitimately enjoyable '93 followup probably left Hudson feeling that subsequent chapters would be running on fumes if a little tinkering weren't performed on the fundamental formula. One notices immediately that '94 features the best graphics of the PCE episodes...

...but the gameplay additions and adjustments end up the determiners of the degree of success this title attains. Kangaroo and mine cart rides make for neat alternatives to the usual Bomberman waddle, and limited visibility makes exploring a haunted house a suitably uneasy experience. I could've done without the threat of cheap annihilation via falling magma chunks in the volcanic region, however.

I also wasn't pleased to discover that '94 is shorter, easier, and ultimately less rewarding than '93. Gone is the required slaying of every enemy in a given board; here, you're simply asked to destroy a few crystals to open the way to your objective. Stages can be conquered without much grief until perhaps the final area, where stout foes appear in tight corridors. Prior to that difficult stretch, the only real challenge comes from the bosses, who are proficient fighters despite their unimpressive appearances. Especially tough is the string of battles that the adventure concludes with.

'94 is certainly a lot better than the old, crusty original; and I respect Hudson for trying to change things up rather than adhering to Bomberman tradition. But '93 is a better overall product; and unfortunately, for all the effort that went into doing something new with '94, it ultimately represents a sharp decline in entertainment value for the franchise.