Battle Royale

~ BATTLE ROYALE ~

Incredible Technologies / NEC

HuCard

1990

Battle Royale has one thing going for it but fares poorly in practically every other area. It definitely has personality, which it is imbued with by its colorful, showy, rambunctious wrestlers and their nutty, freaky-looking managers. And that's where the good news begins and ends, as BR's gameplay and graphics are simply terrible.

Your job is to use one of the gregarious grapplers to clear the squared circle of the hooligans who stand against you. Unfortunately, there just isn't much to the action: without any real "techniques" to make use of, you basically have to smack people around until somebody hits the mat; then you can lift up the fallen brawler and heave him from the ring. The controls aren't very good, but they suffice for beating the game, as it's so simple and easy. The fighters' movements are extremely choppy, but it's amusing to hear the fools scream as they're eliminated, which brings us back to the game's strong (and utterly wasted) charisma.

That charisma is the reason Battle Royale is considered by many to be a viable multiplayer option. There's nothing wrong with mashing buttons for a little while with friends, especially when a game provides a great cast to pick favorites from. But make no mistake about it: there are lots of better games that you can go with for any given Turbo get-together, titles that feature superior gameplay and more than one virtue to boast of.

The announcer introduces you to BR's cast of misfit musclemen...

...and then you take control of a manager and race for the right to represent your favorite fighter. You can pummel your rivals if you want to, but I usually just make a beeline for my brawler of choice.

The managers exude confidence regardless of whom they end up with.

Tournament mode has you work your way up from one-on-one affairs...

...to all-out rumbles. I usually hover on the fringe of the fray and utilize my "special kick" when the opportunity to do so presents itself.

The post-match stats chart isn't very interesting.

Stockpile moneybags as you rack up victories.

These people really do creep me out.

Shanghai III: Dragon's Eye

~ SHANGHAI III ~

Activision / Home Data / ASK KODANSHA

CD-ROM

1992

Opinions I'd garnered on Shanghai III were few (two, to be exact) but differed to a wild degree. "BEST OF THE PCE SHANGHAI GAMES!" yelled one man; "DISGRACE TO THE SERIES!" warned another. But being indifferent to the game of Shanghai to begin with and an all-around goofball in general, I didn't really care about any of that "good or bad" or "integrity of the series" stuff. I was just intrigued by the idea of playing another ASK KODANSHA product, as the company had endeared itself to me somewhat with its likably wacky HuCard RPG, Necros.

Well, Shanghai III didn't need the aid of my pro-KODANSHA bias to impress me right away; its many available options accomplished that on their own. Lots of different board layouts and four interesting tile sets can be experienced as soon as you start up a basic game.

The variety in setups doesn't extend to the backgrounds, but you can uncover some silly anime-chick images in "Tournament" mode.

There are also some "conflict" modes to check out.

And while the free-for-all "Battle" game is pretty much a mess, "Dragon's Eye" is kinda cool and challenging and adds an overwhelmingly exciting man vs. dragon element to the mix.

Very exciting stuff.

Whichever mode you choose, you'll have some great music to listen to (as you've probably come to expect from the series if you're a veteran of it). KODANSHA put a lot of effort into the sound effects as well, as most clearly evidenced by the growls and roars and drawing of blades that accompany Fantasy World tile-set play. But it's surprising, and not just a little disappointing, that such care wasn't devoted to the game's art. Tile design work was shoddy, and due to apparent lack of perspective consideration, it can be difficult at times to discern which pieces are actually in play and what images adorn their faces. But I got used to the bad graphics and was able to forget about them for the most part, focusing instead on more interesting matters (such as slaying that dragon).

HuCard Shanghai is the good, honest working man's episode, as it allows the player to jump right into the fray with great chip tunes to enjoy and not a whole lot of extra stuff to be concerned about. Shanghai II comes off as the series's most polished entry. But thanks to its many play options, Shanghai III ended up being the one I put the most time into--and got the most enjoyment out of.

Artist Tool

~ ARTIST TOOL ~

NEC Home Electronics / Hudson Soft

HuCard

1989

Artist Tool comes with an enormous tome of an instruction manual that may fool you into thinking that the card offers a substantive drawing program to enjoy. In truth, AT is extremely limited and not at all fun to use. Old Windows Paint presents many more options and is much more user friendly. If, for some bizarre reason, you need a 16-bit "game" of this nature, well, Mario Paint easily destroys this waste of a chip.

Still, AT can have appeal as a collectible, as it's somewhat rare and obviously unique (within the PCE library). And with additional equipment (the oh-so-common-and-useful Illust Booster, Photo Reader, and Print Booster), those who do acquire it can print out whatever pictures they create with it. Unfortunately, there's little reason to believe anyone will like the program enough to do more than doodle with it for a few minutes.

Not a pretty way to start things off. You can tell right from the get-go that Artist Tool is simple and dull.

If you think a little music will liven things up, think again. All of the audio here is awful.

Adjust your palette as you see fit before beginning your work. This is as far as the game goes with customization options.

At least you can bring up your "coordinates" at any time, so there's no need to worry about getting lost.

There are three main drawing "techniques" at your disposal. You can show off your natural talent by sketching freehand...

...or you can paint precise straight lines...

...or you can make circles. You can even combine all three methods to create one incredible masterpiece, but I was far too bored at this point to spend twenty more seconds on another stupid picture.

But I did like my line sketch so much that I used one of Artist Tool's "special features" (magnification!) to examine my handiwork more closely.

By the way, see if you can figure out which Turbo game the three images are subtly referring to. Make sure to stare at each sketch for hours on end until you have the answer sussed.

Super Volleyball

~ SUPER VOLLEYBALL ~

Video System / NEC

HuCard

1990

Super Volleyball had always seemed like a strange game to me. I mean, in screen caps it looked like a volleyball game that had all the players lined up on a single plane, with no lateral movement taking place whatsoever... but that'd be fucking ridiculous, I thought. There must be some trick at work, some mechanism that gives depth to the playfield, I figured. And I was interested in discovering just how the designers pulled this trick off, how this clever mechanism worked.

Well, there are no tricks or mechanisms here. This really is a single-plane 16-bit sports game. And why the hell any programmer ever thought that this would be a good idea for a volleyball sim is beyond me. The TurboGrafx-16 library is loaded with sports games that feature "innovative" concepts gone bad, but at least I could see how the folks who came up with those ideas thought they were on to something neat. Leading receivers with passes out in front is something every quarterback needs to do, so at least we can consider TV Sports Football's wonky directional passing system a representation of an admirable attempt at realism. Including set plays in TV Sports Basketball surely seemed like a way to get players to think strategically. Hit the Ice's hijinks were no doubt intended to provide wacky fun for all. But this straight-line crap in Super Volleyball makes no sense; in fact, it's the sort of cutting-corners move designers had to resort to when crafting sports titles for the 2600. I'd like to think my Turbo is capable of more than the 2600.

There's nothing catastrophically horrible about how Super Volleyball plays. It controls pretty well, actually. But its gameplay is ridiculously shallow thanks to the constrictive playfield, and since it has no personality, it gets boring extremely quickly.

No fancy extras here. Pre-game options are few; post-game statistical wrap-ups, uninteresting.

The versus screen is all dramatic. Just like Street Fighter II's.

You can do this high-flying stuff while serving, or you can just give the ball a little nudge over the net. It doesn't really matter against the computer, which allows very few aces.

Offense is all about timing your spikes so that the ball gets past the opposition's blockers. It's easy to do and not very exhilarating.

You can try these little "trick shots" when protocol calls for a set, but they don't often fool the computer.

Defense is all about positioning yourself for a bump while the other guys are setting up their attack. Determining the correct spot to occupy becomes a simple matter before long.

If you'd like to pretend there's more depth to the game than there really is, you can make mid-match substitutions. Of course, there isn't really any reason to take advantage of this "feature."

There isn't really any reason to play the game at all, actually. The ending certainly doesn't provide much incentive.

Legend of Xanadu

~ THE LEGEND OF XANADU ~

Falcom / NEC Home Electronics

Super CD-ROM

1994

A number of years have passed since I first beat this action-RPG. I loved it so much back then that I actually found its brilliant sequel just a bit disappointing when I gave it a try shortly thereafter. The first game is about ten times longer and twenty times more difficult; it's an incredible epic that dwarfs the beautiful-but-brief followup in scope, and trekking through it made for one of the most satisfying game completions I've ever experienced.

But I do need to stress the "long and difficult" aspect. This probably shouldn't be your first Japanese adventure game; it's definitely one of the toughest to be found for the PC Engine. But if you've been through a few Blood Gears, Eferas, and Magicoals already, then you certainly should try your hand at this title. I just finished playing through it for the third time, and there was hardly any consternation this go--partly because it's a very memorable game and a lot of it has stuck with me, partly because I can understand some of the Japanese now, and partly because I experienced plenty of other JPN RPGs in the interims. Nonetheless, it was still quite a challenge--and I loved it just the same.

95% of the adventure is composed of Ys-esque fast-paced overhead-view action that has you knock enemies off by crashing into them. There are so many people to speak with, tasks to complete, puzzles to solve, and dungeons to explore that the whole affair can be quite overwhelming for the PCE RPG neophyte. And some players may be turned off by the need to go back and forth between locations while they try to trigger the next significant event. But if you dig the Ys style of play and you're willing to engage in some trial and error, you should derive plenty of enjoyment from LoX. And while the game is fetch-quest-based material at its core, the interesting missions one must undertake--from holding secret meetings on a slave farm late at night to pursuing diplomatic relations with a tribe of yetis--make one forget about the basic go-there-and-come-back sequencing.

Then there are the sidescrolling hack-and-slash scenes, which feature plenty of parallax and large, well-drawn bosses. You've got to see these sequences in motion to get a sense of just how beautiful they really are. They're full-fledged action stages, not mere side-view boss fights like LoX2 offers. And they can be pretty difficult at times--as if the overhead stuff weren't hard enough!

It all culminates with the most incredible game labyrinth ever created, a massive thirty-two-floor tower. This is a true triumph of dungeon design, a maze containing so many traps, secrets, and puzzles that it can drive players mad. You actually don't need to know any Japanese in order to conquer and enjoy it. You just need to keep your wits about you, pay close attention to your surroundings, and use plenty of brain power.

Yes, this game is killer. Most of the music isn't red book, but it's fantastic nonetheless; and hell, even the cute start-up screen rules.

The only complaint I have concerns something I thought was neat the first few times I played the game. LoX keeps track of its imaginary land's time of day; and naturally, townspeople go to sleep at night. This is cool in concept and allows for some interesting events to take place, but it sucks to be in a position where you need to talk to someone who has just hit the sack, and it's easy to miss things like cave entrances when it's really dark at night. (I should note, however, that there are ways to accelerate the cycle.)

But that's a minor gripe. The game kicks ass, pure and simple. You might want to play LoX2 first, however, as it's much easier to get into and complete. In any event, this one is very cheap, so purchase it and accept its challenge if you enjoy action-RPGs and have some experience with Japanese ones.