Meteor Blaster DX

MindRec - 2004 - U.S.A.

Super CD-ROM

For years I lamented the void in the TurboGrafx library created by the lack of an Asteroids clone and thereby all the thrills and chills I was missing out on. Asteroids is such an enthralling experience, after all. Lucky for me, after nearly 15 years of waiting, Meteor Blaster DX showed up to save the, uh, decade.

While obsolete consoles such as the Genesis and Dreamcast are enjoying successful lives after death with extraordinary original games such as Pier Solar and Last Hope, the Turbo is turning over in its grave with the release of ancient Commodore 64 ports and clunky arcade games that had long since retired when the console was still in its heyday.

All that said, Meteor Blaster DX brings nothing to the table that hasn't already been done previously (and better) in the genre. There is only so much that can be done with the Asteroids template, and I'll concede MB does just about all of it. Twice nothing is still nothing, however, as the game does a good job of proving.

You have the option of flying one of four ships, none of which are too inspired design-wise. As a matter of fact, the ships look downright ugly and out of place over the pleasant backdrops and alongside the competently detailed asteroids. Each ship has its pros and cons, but ultimately it doesn't matter which one you choose as the differences aren't realy significant enough to affect gameplay.

The Emerald Falcon is the pinnacle of spacecraft design.

If you found Asteroids plodding, slow, monotonous, and boring the first, second and third time around you probably won't be thrilled to hear that little has changed in that regard. For this outing, the developers saw fit to add a techno soundtrack extremely similar in style to the one they used in Implode. While I thought the techno tracks worked surprisingly well in Implode, they unfortunately fall flat here and only work to enhance the dreary ambiance. The core gameplay still feels dated as ever, and you'll suffer one cheap death after another from bits of rock that wrap around from the opposite side of the screen to whatever spot you happen to occupy. Meteor Blaster's attempt at a "wow" factor is the addition of actual bosses every 10th stage. Trouble is, you face off against the same boss (albeit palette-swapped) over and over again. The action drones on for a much-too-lengthy 99 levels. If you actually make it to the end, you deserve a medal. Not for skill, mind you, but for unparalleled stamina and endurance. I turned the game off long before reaching that point.

Cutting the length of the game by about 70% and introducing some other bosses and enemies to shoot at would've done wonders for Meteor Blaster. The "silver lining," if such a thing exists in this game, is in the presentation. The in-game visuals are pretty nice for the most part, and the package feels polished. That is, of course, excepting the physical disc itself. Someone thought they could save some dough by distributing the game on blue-dye CD-R, rendering the game unplayable on about 50% of Turbo consoles out there. The good news is that 50% isn't missing out on anything novel.

Be it stage 3 or stage 16 (or stage 28 or stage 52 or....), you can count on more of the same.

Coming soon: a look at the brand new port of an Atari 2600 game so old we're having trouble with the carbon dating process.

Prince of Persia

~ PRINCE OF PERSIA ~

Broderbund / Hudson Soft / Argent

Super CD-ROM

1992

Contrary to what one may surmise from swordplay-exhibiting screen caps, Prince of Persia is actually more of a strategy/puzzle game than it is an action title. You'll have to figure out the correct route to take through the dungeons of your enemy's palace while solving puzzles, circumventing obstacles, and avoiding the many traps that have been set for you--traps that frequently involve spiked floors, falling planks, and razor-sharp guillotines. You have a great number of techniques at your disposal: in addition to being able to perform standard actions such as running, jumping, and squatting, you can grab hold of ledges and pull yourself up and over them as well as tip-toe your way forward. Your actions in one room can have an effect on objects in other rooms, so it's necessary to memorize the layouts of all twelve levels and determine the order that the rooms in each level must be visited in.

PoP was an ancient game even at the time of its release for the Duo, and there are about a million other versions of it available. But this rendition boasts nice-looking visuals, not to mention a quality soundtrack produced by T's Music.

I liked the game a lot when I first bought it years ago, but I find myself annoyed with a few things when I replay it these days. The combat is horrible: every fight (including the battle with the last boss) can be won in the same manner except that sometimes you have to parry twice instead of once before you can land a blow.

The controls are shoddy, as they are in every other version of the game. Back in the day, the clunkiness was deemed a necessary and forgivable consequence of the phenomenal (at the time) animation, a notion unlikely to mollify players at this point.

And the trial-and-error gameplay becomes wearisome, as you end up replaying simple stretches and monotonous battles just to take another shot at a particularly tricky leap or puzzle.

I still think PoP is a cleverly designed game in a lot of ways, a good one all in all, but superior titles along the same lines have been released since its heyday... titles like Sands of Time and Warrior Within.

Bonk 3: Bonk's Big Adventure

~ BONK 3 ~

Hudson Soft / Red

HuCard

1993

I gather that I defy consensus with my views on what the strongest points of each Turbo Bonk episode are. Adventure ranks as my favorite of the bunch, as it offers the tightest controls (which allow for smooth spin attacks), brilliant tunes in their marvelous original forms, a memorable and charismatic band of bosses, and the most nostalgic value. I consider Revenge a decent followup that flaunts superior graphics and stage designs.

And then there's Bonk III. It delivers large and diminutive Bonk forms, which are amusing for about thirty seconds before seeming silly and gimmicky, if not utterly pointless.

B3 keeps the poor controls from Revenge and serves up lackluster visuals and uninspired stage constructions, with only a few zones that qualify as nice looking or fun to explore.

And it's pretty boring. The levels are large, but I'm not the type who can delight in stumbling about vast, mostly empty spaces with little to come across but fruit, meat, candy, and the occasional bonus area.

I like to have invigorating action to keep me occupied while I do my item hunting, and Bonk III provides very little of that.

The music doesn't help. The first Bonk isn't difficult at all, but it feels exciting thanks in large part to a very lively soundtrack. Bonk III's music is very laid back and "contributes" to the game's somniferous atmosphere. And while Adventure stars some unforgettable bosses, the end-level bums here are stupid looking and stupidly easy to beat.

Playing this game as a cap to experiences with the PCE Bonk titles is like watching a television show that has stuck around a season too long: B3 looks, sounds, and feels like its day has passed. My brother Duomitri had warned me that this episode marked the point in the series at which "the magic was almost gone." I'd say the magic is nowhere to be found.

Youkai Douchuuki

~ YOUKAI DOUCHUUKI ~

Namco

HuCard

1988

This is one game that really shows its age. Remember that really old guy in the wheelchair in Big Trouble in Little China, the dude who had been cursed to walk the earth for all eternity or whatever? Well, this is the "really old guy in Big Trouble in Little China" of HuCards. It's absolutely ancient.

Not that I necessarily mind antiquated visuals. Mystical Fighter for the Genesis is a personal favorite of mine. But Youkai asks a lot here. It's a sidescrolling platformer that not only looks terribly primitive (especially since its playfield is scrunched down to accommodate a "map" at the top of the screen) but also fails to play well. At least it offers a handful of levels that give you multiple paths to take and objectives to complete, not to mention a few different ending scenes. And it's dirt cheap--except, of course, for the gold version, which only a complete nut would be looking to acquire.

There's something weird about the game that you might want to note. My copy didn't work when I tried it on my Duo-R, but when I gave it a go on my SuperGrafx, it worked just fine. My brother Alexei had similar issues with his own copy, which didn't work on his Kisado-equipped US systems or even on his SGX. It wasn't until he tried it on his GT that he realized it was in "working" condition. Now, I haven't heard any other reports of such problems, but that's probably because Alexei and I are the only ones who actually play stuff like this. Anyway, Youkai's apparent aversion to certain units is very weird.

And that's not the only thing that's weird about the game...

You run into a hell of a lot of weird demon-folk during your quest. The gameplay is standard run-and-pelt stuff, but the characters are anything but normal. I've always found the "hero" to be the freakiest-looking one.

Simple platforming sequences can be difficult because said hero slips around a lot and doesn't jump very well.

A boss fight! Pray, little dude, pray. You take control of a spirit fighter as the odd-looking fellow supplicates.

Save up cash so that you can acquire health restorers and power up your shot. Don't spend too much money in the shops, though; you'll need some dough to hitch a ride on the big turtle.

Said turtle introduces you to this nice, sweet princess... who puts on a strip show. Catch what you can while the spotlights zip around the screen.

After the show, the princess gives you a box. It might contain a lot of money. It also might explode in your face and transform you into an old dude.

Before you can complete the game, you have to answer a few questions thrown at you by this guy. You do know Japanese, right?

The ending you get is determined by the number of enemies you kill and the number of points you earn during the final level. "Zero" is a great number.

Tsuru Teruhito no Jissen Kabushiki Bai Game

~ TSURU [...] GAME ~

Intec

HuCard

1989

Let's call it "Tsuru."

You won't find many other PCE games like Tsuru, as its "action" consists of buying and selling stocks. Analyze market trends, acquire the right shares at the right times, and get out while the going's good.

Given its premise and the fact that it immediately bombards the player with Japanese text, Tsuru might seem inaccessible to a lot of people at first. It's actually quite easy to figure out, though, as it just doesn't give you all that many options, and you won't need knowledge of Japanese to observe the rise and fall of your capital and tell the positive "jingles" apart from the negative ones.

As far as incentive goes, well, you do get new girls to make phone calls for you as you ascend through the business world.

Obviously, not many folks are going to be interested in Tsuru. I don't hate the game at all, but I don't exactly think it's incredible either. I clicked my way through it and found that there is little reward to reap from it.

Bonk's Revenge

~ BONK'S REVENGE ~

Hudson Soft / Red

HuCard

1991

Bonk's Revenge is highly reminiscent of its excellent predecessor in many surface-level regards, but being that the formerly smooth play system suddenly finds itself plagued by clunkiness, I've never been a big fan of the title. Still, whenever I power it up, I'm immediately struck by how appealing its cartoony graphics are. Bonk's Adventure is nice looking and colorful, but Revenge reaches an entirely different tier with its visuals. The difference in graphical quality is vast despite many of the games' respective stage themes and cast members being quite similar to one another.

Strip design also took a huge step forward. There are secrets to uncover all over the place along with great ideas at work in enemy placement and level structuring.

You can scour the stages to find entryways to bonus rounds, most of which are enjoyable, and as my brother Duomitri can tell you, it's lots of fun to see how many of the scattered-about smiley faces you can collect. The train-ride-based bonus scenes that the stages conclude with are also very cool.

The soundtrack is as good as you'd expect it to be, being that many of its tunes were borrowed from Adventure (although most of its original material is also quality stuff).

My only major complaint is that a brief delay takes place during each spin of Bonk's spin jump, which makes for choppy gameplay. There are two typical counters to this gripe:

1) The delay adds to the challenge.

Well, I always beat the game with lots of lives left no matter how terribly out of practice I am. It isn't challenging even with the delay.

2) The delay prevents people from leaping into the air and cannonballing their way through stages, as was possible in many levels of the first Bonk game.

Well, the level design is strong enough here to minimize that sort of tomfoolery anyway, and there's so much more incentive to explore this time.

It could be said that the boss battles are a little more interesting in Revenge because you can't just bounce around atop your adversaries' heads like you can in Adventure. This is a fairly minor point since the game's strengths lie in level design and aesthetic appeal rather than in strategic battling, so I still wish I could have the old spin back.

Speaking of the bosses, another (relatively minor) complaint I have is that the last battle is quite anticlimactic. Some of the earlier encounters are interesting, if not particularly difficult to emerge victorious from...

...but the last couple of bosses are bums.

I do enjoy Revenge more now than I did in years past, even though the spin delay still irks me. I guess I'm more patient these days, so I appreciate things like the level design and smiley scavenger hunts a lot more. I still find Adventure to be much more enjoyable, though.