Cobra II

~ COBRA II ~

Hudson Soft

CD-ROM

1991

I hadn't yet played the first Cobra when I decided to give its sequel a try, but my inexperience with the series to that point really didn't matter, as C2's cheesy, entertaining, overly dramatic introductory text (presented in English) brought me right up to speed. Cobra is a goofy (but BADASS) space pirate who can detach his left arm to reveal a mighty secret weapon, the PSYCHO GUN.

Around the universe he travels, meeting up with bizarre alien beings and scantily clad women.

You never know what's coming next in this wacky digital comic, character- or plot-wise, and that's probably the most appealing thing about it. You'll be exploring a desolate world that seems to be all in ruin when you'll suddenly encounter a rock band jamming out with an armored knight on electric guitar.

You'll do battle with "round wolves"; "death balls"; android executioners; and a big, bald wrestling dude.

The proceedings feature a fair amount of violence and some shockingly bloody moments (characters taking laser blasts to the face and the like)...

...but there isn't much sexual stuff. In fact, the one bit of romance is rather innocent and plays out quite nicely!

You'll have a slightly easier time getting through the game if you can read at least a little Japanese, as many of the clues telling you where to go or whom to talk to next are presented in katakana. You'll have to spend some time treading back and forth between locations and playing with menu commands (the typical digital comic routines), but there are enough cool surprises to keep you moving through the dull stuff. One puzzle that'll require you to press six lenses of various colors in a certain order might prove extremely problematic. You can spend a lot of time buttoning through all the permutations...

...or, if that idea doesn't appeal to you for some reason, you can just immediately enter the correct order of red, green, blue, yellow, white, purple.

While Cobra II generally doesn't offer much more interactivity than your typical comic, it does feature some distinct sequences that serve to get players more involved in the action. For instance, when one particularly tough baddie is chasing after you, you'll have to blast open the door to a morgue, dash upstairs, hide in an empty coffin, and then judge the sound of the villain's footsteps (they get louder and softer as he plods about the room) to know exactly when it'll be all right for you to pop out, take him by surprise, and annihilate him.

It's possible to screw up and die in some places, but you can save your game whenever you want to, and if you get killed, you'll be sent back just a short way (ensuring that you won't end up saving yourself into a bad position).

Upbeat tunes really get me into certain action-packed scenes, but there are a few annoying sound effects that represent alarms and radar blips. The graphics are pretty good on the whole; the characters look extremely goofy at times, but that just adds to the awesome overall cheesiness.

Cobra II is a heck of a lot of fun--so much fun, in fact, that it ranks as my favorite digital comic.

Gunboat

~ GUNBOAT ~

Accolade / NEC

HuCard

1992

I'd been warned that Gunboat's gameplay can be pretty confusing when you first start playing it, and I was indeed tempted to shut the search-and-destroy-themed title off for good after just a few moments of bewilderment. But once I'd spent about fifteen minutes acclimating myself to the controls and sorting out the mission objectives, I actually started having fun with it. Piloting your boat feels good once you've got the unusual pad, button, and turbo-switch functions down, and upon achieving that level of competence, you can concentrate on completing tasks and blowing stuff up.

The one thing that can remain awkward about the first-person action is switching from pilot's view, which you generally use when navigating the rivers, to gunners' perspectives.

The gunners are stationed at spots a distance from one another on the boat, so while you may be staring right at an enemy as you're piloting the vessel, you'll probably find yourself looking at something completely different upon changing perspectives. This demands that you reorient yourself in the heat of battle and can be quite disconcerting. Fortunately, I've found that switches are seldom required. Your bow gunner can take care of most enemies while you continue steering.

Some folks may end up irritated that they essentially have to pause the game to look at their map (and they'll have to do plenty of this). I wish that the sector maps had been placed on the piloting screen; many of the gauges that are there seem relatively useless, while the maps are lifesavers. Still, stopping here and there to check my location didn't annoy me much.

The game is known (though not necessarily in a positive way) for its polygon-based visuals, and all in all, I think it looks pretty good, a hell of a lot better than fellow polygon-flaunter Falcon. I really can't complain about most of the craft, vessels, and structures (though infantrymen look awful).

It's cool that many of your foes don't just "vanish" upon being annihilated; take a look around in the midst of battle and you'll see downed choppers, burning rubble, and the like.

The designers tried to use superficial elements to establish atmosphere: the sky turns red when enemies are on the scene, and you can hear people screaming as structures and vehicles are being hit. In truth, the screams can be rather annoying (especially at first, before you're used to them), and the game is too easy to be truly scary; but hey, at least they made an effort with this stuff.

Actually, since the missions are easy to complete and don't really require much time, Gunboat ends up being a nice pick-up-and-play title. It lets you save your rank and kill numbers as a little extra incentive to return to it and continue to advance your illustrious "career."

Fray~Xak Gaiden

~ FRAY~XAK GAIDEN ~

Micro Cabin

Super CD-ROM

1994

I found Xak Gaiden utterly charming the first time I played through it. Much of its appeal was attributable to Fray, its spunky young protagonist, who was at that point the most adorable game character I'd ever come across. Her goofy facial expressions and funny antics helped make the entire affair extraordinarily entertaining. I've experienced the brilliant Madou Monogatari since then, and the incomparable Arle annihilates poor Fray on the adorability meter. But make no mistake about it: Fray is a cool little character, and getting the chance to make her acquaintance should be reason enough for players to give this Xak side story a try.

But if you're thinking about purchasing the disc, do NOT expect it to deliver an action-RPG in the vein of Zelda or Ys. Despite the visual similarities, this game is nothing at all like those titles. Here, you walk forward and shoot things. Picture a wacky, cartoony Final Zone II with platforming and occasional town scenes thrown in and you've basically got this Micro Cabin product.

There are parts where Fray gets wings and takes to the sky to battle airships and demons, not to mention a mining-cart ride and a surfboard stage.

The graphics are quite nice and colorful, as is evident from screenshots. And if you like the Neutopia boss bunch, you might like the giant-monster gang here as well, as similarities exist between the two groups (though Xak Gaiden's goons are larger and more charismatic).

What you might not like are the sloppy controls. Fray is kind of chubby and limited, and she doesn't play like a superstar when the screen gets crowded or there are tricky leaps to make.

Still, the game is very easy and ridiculously short. I'd feel better about recommending it if it were showing up more often in the $20-30 price range than in the $40-50 one. But if you're willing to live with its sloppiness and you aren't expecting it to be a true adventure title, you'll likely find it endearing, colorful, and worthwhile.

Mizubaku Daibouken (Liquid Kids)

~ LIQUID KIDS ~

Taito

HuCard

1992

It's easy to make comparisons between Liquid Kids and Taito compatriot New Zealand Story. Both are cartoony platformers that have you collect goodies and defeat baddies that materialize from who-knows-where. Rather than slaying your foes via bow and beam a la Tiki Kiwi, you do your LK dirty work with "bubble bombs," which typically freeze a creature upon contact and render it a convenient koopa-shell-type weapon that can be utilized against its allies.

Levels proceed in every which direction, and as you explore them, you'll want to keep an eye out for concealed entrances to warp chambers, where you may discover a not-so-subtle NZS reference.

LK presents a more aesthetically appealing adventure than does NZS. Its music is completely forgettable, which means it's superior to PCE NZS's memorable cacophony. Graphically, it rates better than adequate, nice and bright without any of PCE NZS's tonal missteps.

While well-done visuals and, uh, not completely terrible music are worthy of compliment in light of poor Zealand Story's superficial failings, LK deserves praise mostly for its bosses, who are tricky, cunning, surprisingly dangerous bastards...

...especially the fiery final guy, who doesn't stay down after just one fall and who would most certainly laugh in the face of NZS's walrus chump.

But while our scorecard reads "Advantage: LK" in most categories in this 'toony Taito rumble, NZS is actually the better game. I can't speak for anyone else, but I know I much prefer Zealand's cute kiwi and his neat arsenal to LK's whatever-the-hell-he-is and his freeze bubbles. More importantly, NZS features superior level designs. Sure, the stages in both games proceed in similar fashions and contain similar enemy and obstacle types. But there's nothing in LK that requires as much skill as the toughest and most cleverly planned balloon rides, swimming sections, and spike gauntlets in NZS, and it's NZS that ultimately emerges as the more challenging, rewarding, and enjoyable of the two titles.

The real problem for Liquid Kids isn't that it doesn't quite measure up to New Zealand Story. Both are nice games to own regardless of which one is better. LK's problem is that it can be kind of expensive, commonly appearing with an asking price of $40 or higher (occasionally a lot higher). Any old game related to or derivative of Bubble Bobble, no matter how remote the connection may be, will be of skewed "value." I'm not one of those people who automatically adore such titles, and I don't believe LK is worth nearly what it frequently sells for.

Parodius Da

~ PARODIUS DA! ~

Konami

HuCard

1992

There was a time when the way to resolve an alien-initiated conflict was always evident. Needed to exterminate a ring-spitting flock of Moai heads? Perhaps your planet was under attack by a large ship with a soft mid-section. Well then, you would call in the Vic Viper, of course. It was a reliable formula that became cliché with the continued success of Konami’s Gradius games, so leave it to the old pros themselves to construct one of the wackiest worlds a spacecraft has ever been hurled into--a world designed to mock and exaggerate all those concepts that made the company many a friend amongst shooter fans and many a penny in the gaming market. Welcome to the world of Parodius--a world where even the venerable Vic receives a little bit of help.

Meet the penguin Pentarou, a waddling warrior who wields a devastating spread gun (the projectiles don’t spread out--the explosions caused upon impact rise and engulf nearby enemies). TwinBee enters the fray and flings forth his little fists, which are packed cozily within tremendous boxing gloves. Should our allies find themselves outnumbered, their only hope will be to call in Octopus, who commands a legion of miniature multi-armed huntsmen.

Choose any of our four friends and set off on a journey that replaces standard metal-ship mini-bosses with the likes of an enormous flying boat that boasts a meowing countenance at its bow. Countless cool touches are applied: funny little bird guys run atop gears to set contraptions into motion, and sudden graveyard downpours occur.

Gradius staples are dressed up in new attire. Moai heads become angry clown marauders who maintain the phlegm-spewing traditions of yore. Huge steel spider things are now enormous, indestructible showgirls. Boss ships arrive with VIVA CORE messages adorning their hulls. And the final showdown is, well, a joke, of course, but one that actually makes sense within its context.

Don’t let the oddball antics fool you, however; this is no tailored-for-toddlers blaster. While the cute imagery will undoubtedly endear the game to players of all skill levels, Parodius does enforce the same sorts of memorization requirements that must be adhered to in its serious-minded ancestors. Taking things a step further, the chip has an unnatural knack for flooding the screen with missiles, enemies, and obstacles, which makes for particularly tricky navigation when one arrives at stretches where the playfield loops vertically or suddenly becomes cramped.

To cope with the chaos, players are granted the traditional Gradius “we give you the icons--you decide what to do with them” method of powering up. It’s a reliable system, augmented here by fancy bell icons that provide your hero with extraordinarily useful abilities. An “instant giant” formula, for instance, allows your newly grown behemoth to smash its way through the enemy armada.

Gorgeous backgrounds accompanied by bevies of unique enemies and HUGE bosses make Parodius one of the most graphically impressive HuCard games. The aural section holds up its end of the bargain with quality frantic tracks that occasionally give way to nostalgia-evoking tunes from Gradius episodes gone by.

Parodius stands on its own in a rough-and-tumble genre with fantastically intense action and contains mass-market appeal thanks to endearing superficials. Still, with success already in tow, Konami put in the effort to make the game ascend to yet another level via minor augmentations. From tiny penguins wiping their brows with handkerchiefs after maneuvering a particularly hefty piece of equipment to a gigantic goddess unleashing streams of tears when her army of pig toddlers has been torn to shreds, extra details abound that evoke smiles and force one to give the journey another go to see what else can be discovered in the many nooks and crannies.

Easily one of the greatest chip titles ever released.