Galaxy Fraulein Yuna

~ GALAXY FRAULEIN YUNA ~

Red / Hudson Soft

Super CD-ROM

1992

Cobra II is my favorite PCE digital comic, but I'd long considered Ranma 1/2 2 the best, "objectively speaking." Then Galaxy Fraulein Yuna came storming along from out of nowhere and laid claim to that position. There's so much in it to rave about...

...and we must start with the cute and very likable heroine. Yuna's a goofball, for sure, but never let it be said that she lacks heart. She amuses with her antics and impresses with her fortitude.

The silly but lovable idol stars in an entertaining story that features lots of funny moments and moves along at a very fast pace. There's plenty of voice acting, but the characters keep their lines brief--no long, dull conversations here.

GFY's graphics are great, especially during the high-quality cinematic intermissions. The soundtrack, which features multiple vocal tracks along with work by T's Music, is also very good.

Anime combatants don their power armor and make use of laser swords, missiles, and the like during the game's turn-based battle scenes.

Yuna seems harmless, but she's quite capable of thrashing any fool who gets in her way.

The game is so good that a hero from another Turbo series decided to get in on the fun. I thought I was going nuts when I heard Bomberman music start playing; but then, lo and behold, a crew of little bombers came dashing out to judge a swimsuit competition.

GFY's a must if you're into digital comics, and it's cheap enough to take a chance on (not to mention easy enough to get through) if you have little or no experience with the genre.

Metal Stoker

~ METAL STOKER ~

Face

HuCard

1991

Metal Stoker often reminds people of Granada, a Genesis game that follows a neat little tank as it blasts its way across the African continent. A heck of a lot of creativity went into Granada's stage, boss, and weapon designs; fun-loving Face was a creative group in its own right but lacked the sorts of brilliant madmen who made up Wolf Team's ranks, so don't expect to find as many "cool ideas" on display in MS as you would in its prodigal counterpart. Thankfully, you also won't find MS's environments to be as ugly, its bosses to be as wimpy, or its action to be as tame as Granada's. Droves of fast enemies letting loose plenty of bullets make Stoker a difficult game to beat, though with an arsenal of five weapons (including lasers, mines, and energy bursts), your vehicle is certainly equipped for the task. And figuring out exactly when to utilize certain weapons is a significant part of the fun, though having to pause the action in order to make a change means most players will ride the multi-directional vulcan or the convenient homing missiles as long and as far as they can.

Unfortunately, the stop-and-start stuff is just the beginning of the problems that arise due to MS's awkward control scheme. Rather than allowing players to go the usual "hold a button to strafe" route, it instead demands a tap to lock your cannon in place--meaning two more taps are necessary if you're to switch to a new locked-line of fire. That's two taps too many with all the crap that's hurled at you in the later stages, and repositioning your tank-craft-thing to engage new threats is no picnic either (I don't know if you've ever piloted any tank-craft-things, but while they are indeed speedy little contraptions, they're not very agile at all). High-speed, projectile-heavy action sounds wonderful on paper, but cumbersome controls are always bad news, and when you're charged with overcoming the latter while dealing with the former, irritation inevitably sets in.

The stages are very large in addition to being tight and tough; there won't be many quick jaunts to safety here. Long levels simply means the odds are greater that you'll find yourself annoyed with the inadequate controls at some point or another. The board designs can be annoying as well, particularly the enormous-but-bland tile-warp labyrinths and a stretch of energy barriers that show themselves only when you're about to helplessly blunder into them (and force you to blunder about a great deal more just to figure out where there's a barrier-free trail to follow).

At least you're met by lots and lots of bosses as you do your blundering. Most of the early ones are lame circular things, but you'll eventually come across some very cool contraptions. Sadly, like the stages themselves, the boss fights are drawn-out affairs; count on instances where you're sitting there wondering just when the hell a battered bum is going to succumb to the beating you're giving him.

There are times in Metal Stoker when a tune reaches its catchy climax, or you figure out the perfect weapon to use during a particularly challenging stretch, or you solve a tough boss's attack pattern, and the whole experience feels pretty darn good. And then there are times when you're muddling along through a long, boring level, annoyed with the needs-another-button control setup and the grating sound effects, and the game just doesn't come off as a high-quality product. Really, it leans more towards the good side of things when all is said and done. But due to the adventure being so drawn out, replaying the damn thing is seldom a pleasant notion. Consider whether or not you want to spend your fifteen bucks on an up-and-down, one-and-done title.

Genocide

~ GENOCIDE ~

Zoom / Brain Grey

Super CD-ROM

1992

I remember reading a little blurb about this game in one of Electronic Gaming Monthly's features on Japanese titles that were slated for (or had a shot at) stateside release. Usually, the bits they printed were broad, generic overviews with a positive slant, but in the Genocide one, they actually bothered to rip on the game. I still wanted it, though, as it looked pretty cool in screenshots. Obviously, it never made it over here, and I'd read nothing but negative reviews for it over the years, but I was still excited when I finally acquired it. I had hopes that it would join the ranks of Legion, Energy, and other such titles that possess virtues in my eyes despite the fact that the masses deplore them.

The point of all that backstory is that if anyone in the world were gonna defend Genocide, it'd probably be me. I had that special mix of horrible taste and actual anticipation for the CD. And there were times while I was playing the game that I thought I would indeed take a stand for it. The basic premise is quite promising: a giant robot with laser sword in hand sets out to slash up lots of enormous creatures and machines. Among the interesting foes you'll face are a multi-screen-spanning ship; a hulking, haymaker-throwing mecha; and an acrobatic little martial arts dude.

The animation isn't superlative, but the sprites look good, and I have no major complaints to make about the backgrounds or music. The gameplay is simplistic, reminiscent of Kaze Kiri's in that you make your way through linear areas while attempting to cause enough damage to the enemy forces to gain entry through the gate barring the way to the next strip.

The coolest aspect of the action is the "charge orb" that you're granted: you can use it for defensive purposes or charge it up and hurl it at your foes (it's kind of like the energy spheres in Schbibin Man 3, but it's larger and faster and grants you less control over its path of flight). This orb-utilization element allows you to implement a little strategy at times. For instance, one boss battle pits you against a beast taking refuge behind a destructible (and regenerative) gate while crap falls on you from above. You can use the orb to protect yourself from the plummeting debris while wailing on the gate, opening the way to the boss. Then, you should have to do two things: time your assault so that the creature's weak point is exposed when you take your hacks, and make sure to dash back out and reposition your orb before the gate regenerates.

In concept, it's a pretty cool fight. Unfortunately, the designers blundered: there's a spot where you can hack right through the gate and hit the boss while suffering no damage from the falling junk if your orb is at rest above you.

And that mistake pretty much sums up Genocide on the whole: nice ideas, very shitty execution. The game plays incredibly quickly; your enemies in certain spots are so fast that they can gang up on your clunky mecha and annihilate it within seconds. You have to devise "plans" in order to survive these cheap stretches, and even when you know what you have to do, you'll likely suffer many deaths or take massive amounts of damage before you finally make it through.

I don't know what the hell was wrong with Brain Grey, but they displayed a tendency to release games that featured interesting concepts but were totally botched during the design process. Last Armageddon was another tragedy. But at least with LA, I felt supreme senses of relief, joy, and accomplishment upon beating it, knowing the experience would make for nice Duomazov write-ups and stories to tell the grandkids. With Genocide, after expending an untold number of continues and "enjoying" a totally unsatisfying conclusion, I was left with sore hands and a desire just to move on to something else as quickly as possible.

Private eye dol

~ PRIVATE EYE DOL ~

NEC Home Electronics

Super CD-ROM / Arcade CD-ROM

1995

This is a very cool, very interesting game, a colorful combination of RPG and digital comic elements. It plays from an RPG-esque overhead perspective, with voice acting and well-drawn anime-style cut-ins accompanying your every action (and you can turn all of that stuff off if you'd prefer a faster-paced experience).

You're an idol who gets caught up in a series of bizarre happenings and decides to play detective and figure out what's what. Your cases take place in locales as disparate as a "haunted" mansion and a cruise ship, and you meet lots of interesting oddball characters, including a scythe-wielding lunatic and a seven-year-old munchkin.

Based on that premise as well as the game's art and screenshots, you'd surely expect eye dol to be a funny, goofy, lighthearted affair, and it does offer plenty of humor and silliness. But it has quite a few shocking (sometimes bloody) moments as well. eye dol isn't afraid to show gory murders or send a chill up your spine. One moment you're laughing and the next you're in total shock.

There are some brief mini-games to take part in, including an enjoyable puzzle-game-like sequence where you use little rafts and lily pads to cross underground streams.

For the most part, you can make progress simply by walking around, talking to people, and examining things, so the language barrier doesn't present much of a problem. Late in the game, you might experience some hard times if you don't know any Japanese. Creativity will be required in order to trigger certain events and solve some conundrums. Plant yourself on the end stool and keep quiet for a moment or the gruff fellow behind the counter won't even think about serving you. Flip the jigsaw-puzzle tiles and put them together to get a cryptic clue as to how to solve the next riddle. There are a couple of "enter the "code/codeword" roadblocks; the solutions actually aren't too difficult to figure out if you pay really close attention to the hints the game offers you, but if you happen to get stuck, here you go:

You'll most likely have a great time as you solve eye dol's unusual mind stumpers, but you might also end up feeling you deserve more for your achievements than what the post-chapter cinematics deliver. The cinemas are not terrible at all, but it's a shame that such well-designed characters aren't always drawn very well and that such appealing animation takes place within the confines of relatively small windows (a necessary tradeoff, perhaps). And we're talking denouements and prologues devoid of much action, the uneventful likes of discourse amongst cute girls in bathing suits. (Note that I have no grievances regarding the "cute girls in bathing suits" element.) Still, considering how much quality art and how many thrills are delivered during play, I have no problem forgiving eye dol for taking it a little too easy during intermissions.

I absolutely must mention that if you examine a particular bookcase late in the game, you can find a copy of The Brothers Karamazov. Private eye dol is great anyway, but the fact that it found a way to incorporate Dostoevsky's masterpiece (and this very site's namesake) into its proceedings makes it worthy of all the admiration in the world.

Military Madness

~ MILITARY MADNESS ~

Hudson Soft / NEC

HuCard

1989

I make no bones about it: I don't like strategy games. Of all the prominent old-school game genres, strategy is probably the one I like the least. But I actually think Military Madness is pretty darn cool.

It won points right off the bat with its approach: the sci-fi angle appeals to me, and for military maneuvers, I prefer armies consisting of tanks and jets to the pods of fantasy-themed bums and beasts in something like Langrisser. Sure, you need to perform the usual old-school-strategy actions of occupying advantageous terrain and seeking out favorable match-ups for your units, but there are lots and lots of potential conflict combinations here. And even with all the different types of troops and machines at your command, the game never becomes overwhelming. You get right into a groove, easily picking up on the strengths and weaknesses of each of your unit types, and roll from there. Plus, you typically don't have to spend much time fiddling around at the beginning of each stage "setting things up"; rarely must you wait long before sinking your teeth into some combat.

Most of the tunes are also appealing. They're nothing special technically; they simply sound cool.

In spite of all this, for years, my innate hatred for strategy games would eventually show itself when I'd sit down with MM. Maps that are large and time consuming caused my interest to wane. I'd feel like I was doing the same thing as before, only it was taking longer. While those who were more into the game's nuances would determinedly present arguments against such claims, I just figured I wasn't wired for these sorts of things.

Over time, I gained a greater appreciation for MM's vast lunar theaters. It's during the game's epic engagements that the most memorable military exploits take place. There were times when I thought my battered army was done for, but a ragtag tank crew would seize the day and carry me to victory. And then there were instances when I thought my victory was assured only for the computer to pull off a brilliant move and send my stunned soldiers reeling. Some battles of attrition conclude after dozens of strikes and counterblows, with but a few weary units left scouring a desolate battlefield...

...while other campaigns come down to winner-takes-all corner-of-the-map showdowns.

Regardless of the fashion in which matters are decided, PAPPASIZATION is inevitable.

Here I must mention that Lee Pappas, legendary game journalist and Turbo mega-warrior, cites MM as his favorite TG-16 title of all time. So famous are the stratagems Lee devised during his numerous runs through the game that whenever annihilation of one side occurs, the loser is said to have been PAPPASIZED.

A graphical representation of PAPPASIZATION.

As for me, I look upon my experiences with the chip quite positively, which might say a lot considering my feelings about the genre it's a member of.

Marchen Maze

~ MARCHEN MAZE ~

Namco

HuCard

1990

Marchen Maze likes to take people for suckers. It's a cute sort of thing, pitting Wonderland Alice against goofy little enemies atop bright game boards. Colorful backgrounds and sweet tunes help make it quite the charmer. Its play system is pretty interesting: Alice needn't worry about life meters and the like, as her foes attempt to knock her off by literally knocking her off the platforms. She utilizes her special charge-up baubles to blast them from the brink in turn.

As "cute" and "interesting" as this all seems, there just isn't anything exciting about a bunch of waddle-waddle sprites shoving each other around via marble shots. Well-timed leaps are often the best means of averting death anyway, as chaotic shootouts typically conclude with Alice taking a fall. The boards aren't very complex in design, and most of the power-ups you can find while exploring aren't all that cool anyway. Lazily thought-up level themes don't help matters: you've got the slippery ice stage, the conveyor-belt stage, the stage that calls for a little more platform jumping than the others, the stage with "danger spots" to be avoided at all costs, and a couple of stages where you don't do much of anything except stumble around.

Jumping from raft to raft in Level 6 could've been fun, but the sequence comes to an end so quickly and abruptly that it amounts to nothing more than a glimpse of wasted promise.

Things do improve but not until you reach the last two boards. Powerful doppelgangers pursue Alice through a legitimately large Level 8 that features a harrowing platform ride to the finish, and then comes the brilliant lava land of Level 9 with its incredible music. If only early-level foes were as aggressive as the beasts are here!

Bosses basically follow the best-is-at-the-end flow established by the stages themselves. Most of them are decent design-wise but succumb to just a few full-power shots and lack the aggressiveness to make death falls occur frequently. The very last fight is pretty exciting, however.

I really do like those last two levels. But I expected more from Marchen Maze, a game with a pretty good reputation that, while not expensive, isn't exactly a typical toss-in. Then again, maybe I'm the fool, blind to the appeal of two-thirds of the game's allegedly wonderful stages.