Nekketsu Koukou Dodgeball-bu PC Soccer-hen

~ NEKKETSU KOUKOU SOCCER ~
Naxat Soft / Technos Japan
HuCard
1992

With years of beaning and brawling already under their belts, the River City boys decided to put away their dodgeballs and brass knuckles and engage rival gangs in a fresh brand of warfare: soccer. As is the case with every other activity these no-necked fellows participate in, this version of soccer is marked by roughhousing and wackiness; it's a Hit the Ice-type take on the sport. In a case of innovation gone awry, a participant in a one-player tournament has direct control over only a single member of the club (though commands can be barked at bumbling teammates). Play time is largely spent scuffling for the ball, and matches quickly degenerate into shallow, special-shot-dominated affairs, leaving little to appeal to those not enamored of the "adorable" character designs.

The key to succeeding on offense is executing bicycle kicks and special head shots that most computer-controlled goaltenders have little hope of deflecting.

Of course, your opponents can perform their own distinct types of nigh-unstoppable shots. A simple nudge by these cretins can turn a mere soccer ball into a zigzagging comet or an electrically charged orb of destruction.

The "rumbles" take place on a variety of playing fields. You can stub your toe on rock-littered turf and extend your slides on icy surfaces, but ultimately, the environmental factors play very minor roles.

While they're hardly uproarious, the humorous start-up and intermission bits do add some charm to the proceedings.

If you can't read Japanese, do a bit of web scouring to figure out what's what on the "strategy" screen. If you'd rather not bother, rest assured you can get by just fine with the default settings.

Once you've settled on a game plan, you'll have to go up against thirteen rival gangs, among which are such notorious crime factions as the fishing gang and the mining gang.

Be forewarned that you'll receive little reward for running the whole gauntlet.

Macross: Eien no Love Song

~ MACROSS: ETERNAL LOVE SONG ~

NCS/Masaya

Super CD-ROM

1992

I never thought such a thing would be possible, but in Eternal Love Song, I found a strategy game that I actually really enjoy. It's reminiscent of fellow NCS/Masaya product Langrisser in matters of gameplay and presentation, but it's much, much better in so many different ways.

The strategizing here involves taking advantage of the myriad weapons (and, in some cases, various forms) at the disposal of your mecha. Each type of machine has its own strengths and weaknesses, of course, but they can all dish out serious damage if you place them prudently about the battle zone, make optimal use of their special limited-ammo armaments, and remember to take into consideration their respective attack ranges. This isn't the boring rock-paper-scissors sort of bullshit that Langrisser wallows in with its soldier-archer-horseman system (which often has pods either produce all-out massacres or find themselves unable even to scratch their opponents). Practically everything can lay a solid beating on everything else here, but you need to be discreet when deciding if the time is right to unleash a mighty missile attack or separate from your fleet and soar across the field.

Another advantage of the ELS system is that it doesn't land you in Langrisser-type situations where you have to drag troops across the map just so that they can fight the enemy breed they're "suited for." And while terrain bonuses and penalties are present here, the battlefields are wide open for the most part, so there are no ridiculous sequences a la the Langrisser scenarios that require players to squeeze their whole damn cavalry through a corridor or across a bridge that's two tiles wide. I'm sure some serious-minded strategy-game fans would say that these things make ELS too simple or easy compared to "masterpieces" like Langrisser, but I say they make it a lot more fun to play.

Of course, the Macross theme doesn't hurt, as fans of Robotech and Super Dimension Fortress: Macross will find a lot to like about Love Song's plot. The first half of the LS tale is basically a retelling of one of the anime's most significant sub-stories. It focuses on the fiery Misty, a highly skilled Meltrandi pilot who micronizes herself to mingle with and spy on the enemy Earthlings. She eventually discovers the delights of human culture and ends up falling for a micronian ace (sound familiar?). The second half has you settle some old scores from 2036, so be prepared to encounter a few longtime friends and foes if you've played through that game.

It all climaxes with a string of intense outer-space showdowns, one of which involves the launching of a "Minmay attack" (Mari Iijima's incredible "Do You Remember Love?" augments the action).

The cinemas detailing the intriguing story are pretty good, certainly superior to Langrisser's interludes, and there are lots of them (one preceding each of the twenty-nine missions in addition to opening and ending sequences). The in-game map screens are par for the strategy-games course visually, but the side-view unit-vs.-unit skirmishes (which play out automatically) feature multilayer scrolling and large ships and mecha.

Sadly, you'll need to turn off the combat sketch-scenes after a while or the missions will last way too long for even the most patient person to sit through. You'll never feel the need to turn off the outstanding audio, though. Love Song's soundtrack features its fair share of remixed Macross stuff, but most of the tunes are original, not to mention fantastic. The melodic hooks and rockin' riffs are all atmospheric and memorable.

ELS failed to change the way I view its peers; I didn't rush out to buy more strategy games after conquering it. It was so enjoyable, though, that it established itself as the only one I'll ever really need. Still, I can't help but wish there were a Southern Cross game just like it.

Magicoal

~ MAGICOAL ~

NEC Home Electronics / HUNEX / Human

Super CD-ROM

1993

Magicoal appears to be an action-RPG in the Zelda vein, but rather than having players go around slashing things to pieces, it has them employ a myriad of magical powers to complete various tasks. Indeed, while blade wielding has its place in the playable characters' skill sets, the game's hack-and-slash mechanics are somewhat lacking, and approaching missions with the mentality that enemies must be carved up will lead to a very clunky experience. You'll enjoy far more success and have a great deal more fun if you set about eliminating your foes via magical means: call on gigantic claws to emerge from the turf, summon elemental spirits to turn the tide of battle, and sic relentless fire dragons on your hapless adversaries.

The misfit spellcasters who take center stage here don't begin their journey as masters of magic. You must be vigilant to acquire knowledge of the most effective spells. Make sure to scour every nook and cranny of each town and cave you come across, and don't allow any NPCs to scuttle off before they've conversed with both of the gregarious protagonists. Incantations the heroes learn are documented and explained in a "book" you may peruse at your convenience.

While you'll need to do plenty of exploring and experimenting in order to fill out your spell tome, the quest itself is fairly linear. Your two-wizard caravan (each member of which can be controlled by a separate player) travels from one (usually mazelike) area to the next. Even if you're unable to read Japanese, only a few zones will prove difficult to get through, with the simple solution to any given conundrum often being to examine every inch of wall for the sake of stumbling upon "secrets," be they obscured entryways or buried trinkets. Be aware that an underground waterway will stand as an exit-less tomb unless you think to destroy two seemingly purposeless statues, and a certain bumbling young sorcerer will refuse to be of any assistance to you unless Melvy (the female member of your duo) has in her possession a particular item at precisely the right time. Maintaining amiable relations with your characters' newfound acquaintances is essential for making headway in some sections.

Even if you tackle the game without another player's assistance, both wizards will be at your command and ever available for you to switch between. While Magicoal manages to avoid devolving into a nigh-unplayable dual-character absurdity a la NES X-Men, you'll often notice your computer-controlled ally acting like an idiot (standing in place while firing at a beast on the other side of a wall or stumbling face first into attacks unleashed by enemy creatures) if left to his or her own designs. Some boss fights can be arduous experiences if your dimwitted companion sabotages your efforts by blundering around.

While its gameplay is anything but refined, Magicoal is an appealing game aesthetically. Its visuals are bright and colorful, and its music calls to mind the brilliant Emerald Dragon soundtrack at times. Its many cinemas frequently offset mediocre character sketches with chuckle-eliciting skits.

Be prepared for some trying times if you have a go at Magicoal sans the aid of another player. But there really is a lot to like about it, and its makers clearly put a great deal of heart and effort into their creation.

Body Conquest II

~ BODY CONQUEST II ~

Games Express

HuCard

1993

What little effort Games Express was willing to devote to this project primarily went towards mimicking Dragon Quest. There's little visual evidence to suggest that Body Conquest II is actually a PC Engine game and not some shoddy Famicom release. So archaic are this RPG's field visuals that fellow PCE antiquities like La Valeur would take on the sheen of modern, glitzy Square productions if lined up in comparison.

Revolting primitivity pervades BC2's audio as well. GE delivered an overworld theme sure to drive adventurers batty as it calls to mind the rightly maligned Xevious soundtrack with its high-pitched instrumental antics. Similarly vexing are the VCS-caliber sound effects, many of which are simply unnecessary, including a horrid "thud" that accompanies every instance of inadvertent contact with stationary objects. Prepare to hear thud after abhorrible thud as you attempt to make heads or tails of the logic-defiant village constructions.

Don't expect the land's labyrinths to be easily navigable either. The difficulty you have making your way through these drably drawn dungeons will likely stem from GE's implementation of the old "limited visibility" trick. It's not like they bothered to provide any interesting puzzles for players to solve as reprieves from dull tunnel touring.

Of course, there will be plenty of battles for you to participate in as you poke around the abodes of your enemies. And of course, Games Express put together an all-girls lineup of adversaries for you to contend with. The strange-looking females don't stand much of a chance, as your valiant lady slayer is a quick study when it comes to learning techniques that bring most clashes to an abrupt conclusion when utilized.

The fact that your foes can be dealt with quickly and easily is a very good thing considering how slowly events unfold otherwise. Regardless of the hero's dilly-dallying nature and refusal to do anything but stroll leisurely about the countryside, there isn't enough of an adventure here to make for a lengthy experience. BC2 is a simple mimicker that counts on elements of smut to entertain nutcases who are intrigued by promises of pervertedness. If you are such a nutcase, though, know ahead of time that while the text (which is in Japanese) contains plenty of smut-speak, the only visual elements that will satisfy your hunger for naughty fare are the bare breasts and butts that a few of the combatants flaunt. There's also this, uh, "coming-of-age" scene:

Basically, RPG fans and oddball deviants alike will find little to appreciate here. There is a happy ending to cap the archaic mush, but you might as well take a gander at it now and dismiss the game from there in favor of the many superior HuCard RPGs that you can play instead.

Fushigi no Yume no Alice (Alice in Wonderdream)

~ ALICE IN WONDERDREAM ~

Face

HuCard

1990

With horrid controls and a fantasy-land setting that belies its devilishly unforgiving nature, Wonderdream reminded me at once of the Genesis dud Fantasia. Fantasia's own creators ultimately admitted that their game was a regrettable, unfinished rush job, an abomination so clunky and unpolished that players couldn't help but feel they were fighting a losing battle as they haplessly bumbled into one beating after another. Whether Face had neither the time nor the resources to shape Wonderdream into something playable or simply were content to release what they might've proclaimed a "high-level challenge" is something we may never know, but their "efforts" led to a debacle that brought back that "losing battle" feeling for me. Alice is a stumbling, incompetent heroine who struggles to perform even the basic mascot-platformer bounce-on-their-heads technique, resorts to a terribly weak and silly-in-concept "howl attack," and slides about a land that contains no shortage of thin columns and bottomless pits.

While Wonderdream's dreadful gameplay reminded me of fear-inducing Fantasia, the environments it had me explore called to mind a number of superior 16-bit titles. Faussete Amour's pastel-shaded countryside, The Legendary Axe's log-laden rapids, Rastan Saga II's distant woodland structures, Chiki Chiki Boy's dense jungle, and Castle of Illusion's cake-and-candy realm all have drab counterparts here. (Castle even lends clownish foes to Face's atrocity.)

The allusions might as well have been dashed completely, as, ironically enough, you'll spend a great deal of time traveling through a shadow-blotted rendition of the Wonderdream realm, the darkness brought on by a magic spell that allows you to spot otherwise-invisible goodies. Why Face couldn't simply have placed these very-typical items out in the open (but perhaps in hard-to-reach locations) rather than resorting to this "secrets in the dark" nonsense is yet another mystery that will likely go unsolved.

Solving the game itself actually shouldn't be beyond the capabilities of most decent players; incantations that grant Alice temporary invulnerability and super-human leaping ability make even the toughest boards mere poorly designed formalities; and while the gameplay is anything but smooth, the journey itself is nothing if not short. Despite the low number of levels they created for players to blunder through, Face chose to recycle lame-the-first-time-around ghost and crocodile mini-bosses across multiple sub-levels. Major foes don't muck around: they typically flood the screen with bouncing baubles of peril as Alice attempts to fight back sans her spell-casting ability.

Were someone to request a few words on positive elements that Wonderdream brings to the table, I'm afraid I would be unable to deliver any. Actually, its level-two tune is quite pleasing to my ear. That one track is all I like about it, aside from the alluded-to-earlier brevity of the unenjoyable quest it asks players to undertake.